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Johnny Depp and Chris Hardwick are such weird hills to die on like Johnny Depp hasnt made a decent movie in decades and Chris Hardwick is literally only famous for being a fanboy, and not even a particularly charming one what are you gaining by defending either of them

— Aurora☂️ (@Valeskhahaha) July 25, 2018

7/29/18
I will support the hell out of people who have talent and create cool shit but if you're trying to sell me stuff pyramid scheme style then you can just nope yourself out of my feed.

7/30/18
I'm such a stickler for being punctual that my on time is early and my late is on time.

7/31/18
The animal cast in the live action Winnie the Pooh movie look so tired and depressed that it makes me sad. Also they kind of freak me out. #shouldvestayedacartoon

LeBron James for Secretary of Education

— Dave King (@DaveKingThing) July 31, 2018

8/2/18
How do I create a dating app where people can set up their friends with other friends/acquaintances? Why an app? Because we are in the age of the app!

8/4/18
Why so people stretch before yoga class when the entire class/practice is stretching?

Central FL roads are getting so bad that I feel like I'm playing the worst game of Mario Kart because I don't end get to be Yoshi and I can't throw a shell at the asshole drivers.

MEMORABLE PRESIDENTIAL QUOTES TO INSPIRE OUR NATION'S YOUTH (plus one bonus racist insult-comic quote)#DividerInChief pic.twitter.com/RBAodkfN6y

— Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself) August 4, 2018

Honey I wouldn’t walk more than 1 mile for anyone. I was 17 when I wrote that nonsense.

— V a n e s s a C a r l t o n (@VanessaCarlton) August 4, 2018

8/5/18
Rule #1 when you hear a celebrity has died...research it. Are other news sites reporting it? Could it be a hoax? Do your homework.

Omg I just realized the cure to this news cycle, turn on Dixie Chicks “not ready to make nice” and music video angry strong sing cry it at yourself in the mirror. Happy Monday

— Jonathan Van Ness (@jvn) August 6, 2018

8/9/28
And to make matters worse I started my period and have cramps. (Matters are fine. I say this every month.)

8/11/18
Not one coat in Burlington. More than great coats? More like "Everything but Coats".

8/15/18
What do you think Demetri Martin is hiding on his forehead?

8/17/18
I get to reprogram our cat feeder tonight. How's that for Friday plans?

8/18/18
The creator of the jumpsuit must have had a bladder of steel.

8/19/18
I'm pretty sure my strained neck is from taking my romper on and off to go to the bathroom yesterday.

 8/20/18
I can always tell when someone got cheap lenses. (It's worth the extra money to get the UV protection, scratch resistance, thinner option, but most importantly anti glare!)

Dear Trump Supporters: When Donald said he could “stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and not lose any voters,” he wasn’t calling you loyal. He was calling you stupid.

— Turnip (@Turnip2020) August 28, 2018

9/5/18
You know you're on a diet when you treat your gummy vitamin as a dessert.

9/6/18
Why are all of my zits acting like they're trick candles?

9/7/18
I can't listen to a podcast that bleeps every fucking curse word. It's not like a 5 year olds listening.

"Their snickerdoodle cookies are the fix of the century!" - random woman at Trader Joes (too bad they aren't kept friendly or I would've shoved one in my mouth)

Making Lemonade Out of Lemons: A Boo Story

DAY ONE: Erin arrived Saturday afternoon of Labor Day weekend. I picked her up from the airport and we drove straight over to Vanbarry's to meet her uncle for an early dinner. I had met him years and years ago but it was nice seeing him again. She's said for years that he reminds her of my mom. I think she's right. They'd probably get along famously talking music and politics. We all ate the hell out of their queso and I opted for a salad. It was huge and really good. Usually I get their turkey sandwich but I wanted something lighter. Joke was on me because that salad was filling AF. Also I don't know who they had playing live cover songs but dude was so good. He sang so many good 90s songs and we were all just bopping along. Before leaving we took a picture with the famous swan and Erin had to fix the volume on her uncle's flip phone. Ok yeah he's totally the male version of my mom. Ha! 

We drove down Orange and around Colonialtown. We went in a couple shops but a lot were already closed for the evening. We walked around East End Market since she hadn't been before and we both agreed it would make a really cute date night spot. Our sweet tooth was starting to rear it's head so we went over to The Glass Knife which is another newish place she hadn't been to yet. I got a cinnamon roll and she got this mint chocolate chip cake situation. It was nice to slowly eat all the sugar while catching up IN PERSON for the first time since May 2017. 

Dustin was nice enough to move into the bedroom while Erin and I watched Fifty Shades Freed which is a tradition at this point. Every time I have visited her in Texas it had just come out to rent so it's been our thing to watch it together. The third was definitely the worst. The storyline was all over the place and just really dumb and cheesy but at least we got to look at Jamie Dornan for an hour and a half. No complaints there!

 

  

DAY TWO: We woke up at the ass crack of dawn, swung by Starbucks for breakfast, and headed to the springs. We first hit Wekiva traffic on our way to Rock Springs. We sat in traffic for both probably a combined hour. By the time we made it through the crazy line at Rock Springs it was at capacity. So we decided to go back to Wekiva since it was on the way and sure enough that one was also at capacity. I was super fucking annoyed. There is no denying that. The parks open at 8:30 and we arrived at 8:30 to a long line and still didn't make it. I guess I should have known being that it was Labor Day weekend - BUT STILL. We weren't sure what to do since that was on her list of activities to check off while she was in Florida. She gave me those puppy boo eyes and next thing I knew we were headed to New Smyrna Beach. I'm not a beach person by any stretch. Yes, I live in Florida but I only go maybe once a year. I prefer the springs or pools! But it was her weekend and her trip so what boo wants boo gets. We stopped at a Walgreens for supplies (which is where she got that very fashionable baseball cap) and were able to find public parking shortly after. We slathered on the SPF 100. You know how I do. My skin is too precious for those damn sun rays. We got our little area set up with my wonky umbrella and she cracked open a Bud Light. She's like "Ahh there's nothing more refreshing than a cold beer at the beach." which is when I gave her a look like "You cray cray!". Then she's like take a sip so I did because WHY NOT. It tastes like piss just like it did when I tried it back in my teens. How people drink that I will never know. Ahem ERIN. We went out in the water, she further than I, but not for long because that shit was MURKY and also NSB is like the shark bite capital of the world so no thanks. I'm trying to go home with all my limbs. The beach was bumpin' which is my way of saying it was packed. I stayed under our umbrella ella ella eh eh until the tide got even higher than it already was and we had to swoop up everything and move back. Then the umbrella started to just break in every way and I was of course. So I just told Erin to trash it as we left. RIP. As we drove back home Erin screamed TURN AROUND so we could eat ice cream at the place she used to go to as a child called Frozen Gold. We both got soft serve swirl ice cream in a waffle cone with sprinkles thankyouverymuch. It was so hot that it started to drip all over the place not even a second after the girl handed them to us. It was truly a race against time. I made such a mess. There was ice cream all over my boobs, my seatbelt, and just a couple days ago I found dried up sprinkles when I opened my door. GOOD LAWD. 

We got back and immediately showered and both plopped down on the couch and immediately took a nap. I love LOVE that she isn't the type that must be doing something, must be entertained every single second but instead will totally get down on a nap with me. Friends that nap together stay together? Yeah, I think it goes something like that. When we got up we went and got some Tijuana Flats (something not available in Texas) and had the whole place to our selves. We stopped by Target as you do and wandered around. I got some brownies for our marathon. Girl had never seen The Office so I felt it was my duty to introduce her to the best comedy to ever exist. In a 24 hour period we watched all of season 1 and the first half of season 2. Dustin asked me "Does she really like it or is she just watching it because she knows you like it?". She really truly likes it which warmed my cold head heart. It kind of made up for the fact that she is a new Taylor hater. 

DAY THREE: We went to go get breakfast at Einstein's where they sadly know me and embarrassed me by saying so. Sorry friends, I'm on keno right now so that was my last bagel for a very long time. After that I took her to my nail place and it was closed. Of course it was! Why would anything go right this whole damn weekend? Then the next 3 salons were also closed until finally we found one that was open. We both got much needed pedicures and it was pretty damn relaxing until my nail tech started to rinse my feet with scalding hot water and I screamed. 

We then went to Trader Joes and she gave me a ton of suggestions on things she likes that are also keto. She was so helpful and I bought everything she recommended. I'm now a huge fan of their Bacon Cheddar Ranch Dip, Spinach & Artichoke Dip, and their fake ass chocolate made with cacao. Then we went to Publix which was another place she was dying to go while in town. I mean I don't know if I could live in a state without Publix. How do people do it? We both got PubSubs but her chicken tenders took a good 15 minutes because if you haven't guessed the theme of the weekend then you haven't been paying attention. Nothing is easy. Everything is hard. Wah! Whine. We went home and watched more Office and took yet another nap. For dinner Dustin treated us to a dinner at Teak where we enjoyed those glorious pierogis. It was delish. We ended the evening at Jeremiah's per Erin's request. 

I couldn't believe the weekend was already over just like that. She and I talk daily, see each other about once a year, and are still closer than ever. We're hoping to take in Austin next time I go to see her which should be sometime next year. I'm already counting down the days. 

Currently

Feeling: Proud of myself (and Dust). We've been strict Keto-ing since Tuesday (after Labor Day) and it's been going really well. I'm down 4 lbs already! Like what?! I've tried everything in the past and this is the only thing giving me actual results which is a huge motivator to keep it going. I even went out twice this week and was able to find something on the menu that I could turn Keto. Full disclosure though, I did split a pumpkin cheesecake from the cheesecake factory with Dustin only because it's seasonal. Other than that I haven't cheated AT ALL which is something I've never been able to do. Between work goodies and Dustin calling on my way home (can you pick of X bad food) and just having no will power and the biggest sweet tooth I was always defeated. NOT ANYMORE. I'm in this to win this. I'm trying to lose 30-40 lbs and give myself rewards every 10 lbs. The first 10 lbs I get to go get a much needed hair cut. So yeah that's also driving my motivation. It also helps Dustin is doing it with me (and killing it!) along with a couple of my friends. Even my friends who aren't have been very supportive.

Also drained AF. The past three weekends have been spent with people non-stop out of town. So between the travel and the very little me time I really started to not feel great both physically and mentally. Now I hope it goes without saying, even though I'll say it anyway, that I had a great time with those people doing all of the things. But introverts need time alone to recharge. It's part of our makeup, not something to be offended about. Even when I'm home I'll shut the bedroom door to have some time to myself away from Dustin. Thankfully he's always gotten it. This weekend has been so nice not having any plans. I've watched TV and napped and played with my cats and I finally feel ok enough to actually blog. Slowly but surly I'll be fine. But this is why I try to spread out events as much as I can because otherwise I just crash.


Watching: 

Sierra Burgess is a Loser - Ok we all love "Barb". If you don't know what I mean by that then I can't help you. You've missed the bus and there is no turning back. But I've only seen Shannon Purser in two small roles. Finally this movie gives her the lead and she fucking kills it. Like I've got a new girl crush, my next #wcw. Seriously she's beautiful and so charming. But so is everyone in this movie. The other three supporting characters are witty and have depth and really add to the whole experience. So if you're in the mood for a good rom com go watch this one!

Listening to: Sierra Burgess is a Loser Soundtrack. Oh man I love a movie with a good soundtrack. I am actually listening to it right now as I type this. I love the dreaminess of the entire thing but the Sunflower track is great and also a pivotal part of the movie so that's all I'll say about that one. I'm sure this album will be on repeat until Thrice and The Early November release their new ones in the next few weeks.

On the podcast side of what I'm listening to I'm still chugging with my faves MFM, Manic Rambling Spiral, and Armchair Expert. But I've recently been adding Bunny Ears to the mix. It's Macaulay Culkin's newish podcast that came out earlier this year. Every episode is different and topics are random as hell but I really like him and his friend Matt's banter. 

Found

Andrew Gillum with the upset for the left. Let's do it again come November!

Paul McCartney and Jimmy Fallon Surprise Fans

Childfree is a Legitimate Choice - a great article in cartoon form about my favorite subject.

The best song about not having balls to hit the internet.

Nation Baffled By Childless Woman Who Doesn't Even Have High-Powered Career

Angela from 'The Office' Shuts Down Nephew Who Was Using Her Photo On Tinder

Taylor Swift surprises fans in Chicago

Missing Cat Found Safe A Week After Car Accident

Post Malone covers Santeria

Nike's new powerful commercial. Yeah, I cried.

Baby Shark Challenge

Kindness can make all the difference.

Iceland Raises Age of Religious Consent to 21

Best baby announcement yet.

Rupert Grint is actually Ed Sheeran.

How are these people allowed to have children? There should be a written test focusing on biology before people are allowed to have children.

The Good Advice Cupcake is always on point.

All of us in central Florida (and probably most of the US) are rent burdened. Something's got to give when you can barely rent and barely buy.

Mollie Tibbett's death is about violence against women, not immigration