Found

Thank You, Pittsburgh

What If All I Want is a Mediocre Life?

Hilarious Cat Snapchats

15 Florida Towns You're Pronouncing Completely Wrong

Happy #ididntreproduceday

Kitten Stuck In Traffic Gets The Best New Home And A Baby Sister

Super cool engagement photos.

I've Been Drawing A Comic Every Day For My Girlfriend For 5 years. So cute. So hilarious.

What's Wrong With Today's Society in 10+ Thought Provoking Illustrations

So Close video.

Hilarious Tweets from Women. 

I want all of these pool floats. But first I need a pool...

There Are No Mistakes In Love

23 Creative Ways Harry Potter Fans Pass Their Fandom On To Their Kids

Carpool Karaoke with Ed Sheeran

Pippa's wedding was gorgeous: photos and more photos. And more royal wonderfulness.

When I Try To Go On A Diet

Not Wanting Kids Is Normal

How People Decide to Have Children

When You Need To Cut A Parent Out Of Your Life

Cats Acting Weird

The Pens Win Again

They don't call the Stanley Cup the hardest trophy to win in professional sports for nothing. That's for damn sure.

It was a good season. Dustin and I made it to a home game in November with the Fidak's and if you remember, we even made an appearance on Pens TV AND won a signed Phil Kessel puck. If only we had known that was just the beginning.

We won series after series in the playoffs. So much cussing. So much jumping. So much screaming and laughing and more screaming.

Until finally we had done it again, we had made it to the Stanley Cup final. Holy fucking shit. Frankly, I can't take hockey playoffs because there are four series and each series is the best of seven. Do you know how much anxiety and diarrhea that is? (A lot.) It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's just so long and stressful. It's April to fucking June. Do you think I have enough xanax for that shit? I don't now how those buds do it. But not only did they make it to the final, they won the cup. AGAIN. This is their second back to back win and 5th overall Stanley Cup. They also won it in the 1991 and 1992 seasons. Here's last year's post. I'm sure the 2009 win is on my LiveJournal somewhere. Oh wait, I found it.

I know some Pens fans were a tad bummed we didn't win on home ice (we've never won on home ice by the way) but I for one was ecstatic. Game 7 would have been on my birthday and I don't think it would have been very nice of Mario Lemieux and crew to do that to us. I did not want to spend my entire day stressed out with Dustin pacing around like a nervous wreck. No thanks! I really thought it was going to go to game 7 with the way the series was going. Each team kicked serious ass on home turf but totally turded out on away games so it just kind of seemed like the luck of the draw. Nope, not this time. When it really really counted we came out and did our thing and in the end it was our boys holding that cup over their head. 

I love the Pens. But Dustin LOVES the Pens. You know?

So watching him be as ecstatic as a little 7 year old version of himself was the coolest thing to watch. I've seen him lose his mind 5 times in our relationship between two Steelers super bowl wins and now three Pens wins. His reaction never gets old. He's been a Pittsburgh fan from the time he was a zygote. He bleeds black and gold and I do too. Well, at least for the past 12 years... There's no greater fandom than that of Pittsburgh. Coolest fucking fans around. I love that city as if it were my own. I'm so proud that we've added yet another championship.

ChampYINZ.

Within in 24 hours of the Pens winning the Stanley Cup he had bought about five shirts and who knows what else will be showing up to our house. I'm waiting until a UPS guy drops off a Stanley Cup pool float to our door. And we don't even have a pool! I mean I can't give him too hard of a time as I also bought myself a shirt. I mean, it's a true statement. He IS really good at hockey. And also just a stand up guy.

The parade fell on my birthday which I was A-OK with. Dustin was able to hook up our TV to the internet which was live streaming the parade on one of the local channels up there. It worked out perfectly. It was fun to see all of the guys smiling from ear to ear in the back of trucks. Also pretty funny to see them in shorts. I doubt anyone in Pittsburgh got any work done that day. It looked like there were more people at the parade than at Trump's inauguration. HA! But for real there probably was.

I could not be prouder of you guys. GO PENS!

Photos from Pens Facebook

She's back where she belongs!!! PITTSBURGH BABY

A post shared by Kris Letang (@kletang_58) on Jun 12, 2017 at 4:14pm PDT

87🏒71🏒81

A post shared by E.Malkin71Geno (@e.malkin71geno) on Jun 12, 2017 at 11:33am PDT

Dustin and I went to Pittsburgh for our honeymoon back in March 2010. While there we not only saw our first Pens home game IN THE IGLOO, but we also got to watch all of the guys arrive. I took that photo of Fleury in his powder blue suit as he was walking into the building. He was my first hockey boyfriend and always one of my favorites year after year. I'm so sad he's on another team. I just saw him in a Vegas jersey and I wanted to barf because it means he's not a Penguin anymore (but he kind of always will be) and the jersey is just plain ugly (who designed that shit?). Farewell Flower. 

Haterade

Here's a blog post wherein I discuss some things that I just straight up hate. Loathe. Ugh.

SUMMER

I'm almost positive I've written about my disdain for summer before but I hate it so much I'm going to write about it again. I have complained about the summer and the heat it brings every single day, multiple times a day since last year (because Florida legit did not get a winter at all this year). While so many are flocking to the beaches and wearing cutoff shorts that they probably shouldn't be wearing, I've been locked away inside blasting my air conditioning. Nothing makes me feel lazier or less motivated than summer or just overall heat. I have no desire to do anything active when I might have a fucking heat stroke only 5 minutes later.

Let me count the ways I hate the heat:

• Boob sweat. I hate feeling wet and slimy underneath my damn breast which then soaks through my bra and shirt. Gross. 
• Sweating period. I mean, I even hate to sweat at the gym but that at least makes sense. But sweating while it takes 30 seconds to take the garbage to the side of the road or just plain walking from my house to the car OR my favorite - sweating immediately after getting out of the shower. What was even the point?! It's gross, sticky, smelly, slimey, and wet. No one wants to live in a forever wetness that their own body created. 
• Working out is even worse. I work out because I'm overweight and have anxiety. I don't do it because I love it. Fuck that. I rather lay in bed watching Felicity than go run a few miles on a treadmill any day. When I go to the gym during the winter I walk out and am immediately greeted by the cool air. It is refreshing as fuck. It's like the equivalent of gulping an ice water for the inside of my body but for the outside. But it's extra hard to work out right now because I sweat while walking to my car, sweat more during my workout, and then I continue the sweating on my walk to my car and about 5 minutes into my ride home because let's be real folks, it takes seemingly forever for your car to cool down. So if I already didn't feel like I was going to die at the gym, I sure as hell feel like I am afterwards. Thanks summer!
• I already have a hard time seeing as it is. I don't need the help of summer. But every time I step out of my house or my nice icey car I immediately go blind by the fog that automatically forms on my lenses. It is annoying as fuck. My glasses are my eyeballs. They aren't like sunglasses that I can just take off and toss aside. I have to go through the motion of wiping them down, then making smudges, and then cleaning those off, before finally - VOILA - I can see again. 
• Heat makes me tired and lazy and not want to move at all for fear I will sweat even more and especially stay in doors. But seriously, I feel like a sloth during the hot months (April-December). The minute the weather gets in the 70s (or even colder!) I'm all about making plans outside here and outside there. I love the outdoors BUT WHEN IT'S NICE OUT. I love going for walks or hikes or events or theme parks outside but when I'm not going to pass out and be carted away by an ambulance.
• It makes me a grump and an even bigger complainer. I'm miserable in the heat. It makes me sad, angry, annoyed, and depressed. Cold weather makes me the opposite. Cold weather and/or rainy weather makes me cheery, extra friendly, smiley, and always in a good mood unless something truly awful has happened. I'm a better version of myself when it's not 95 degrees outside. 
• Some places have what is called "dry heat". Florida is not one of those places. Oh no we are humid as hell. It is a million times worse than dry heat and basically means you won't have another good hair day for months. Also you can get a feel of what all of us anxiety sufferers go through because it feels hard to breather. But summer is fun right?!
• Sick. Heat stroke and heat exhaustion are so real. I get nauseated and light headed when I am too hot. I'm sure it's a combination of being dehydrated and the heat itself. But it is no joke. I once had to leave Warped Tour early because I felt like I was going to pass out. For all that aren't privy to the Warped Tour, it's a huge outdoor punk festival that takes place all day and usually in July. I also had another similar episode when Hayley and I were at a show at HOB back in high school. We were in the pit which is just people on top of people and I started to pass out. Thankfully the guys at the bar were cool and gave me water to drink and even let us sit upstairs VIP for the rest of the show. My body is not cut out for hot situations.

WEIGHT LOSS

I have been consistently going to the gym for over a year, maybe more. Except I was still gaining weight. What the actual fuck? I've been on my anxiety meds for a year and a half and when I talked to my doctor about it in May, he thought it might be them making me gain weight. He had me start only taking half a pill. It's been mostly fine. I've certainly gotten more breakthrough anxiety but it's minimal and doesn't last very long. But it's been two months and I haven't lost any weight. Also, I have been taking apple vinegar cider and Garcinia Cambodia pills daily for two weeks. Last Monday when I weighed myself I had lost 5 pounds and then when I weighed myself yesterday I had gained it back which made me feel depressed all day long. I don't know what else I can do short of getting an eating disorder. I don't fucking get it and it's driving me insane both physically and mentally.

It's so incredibly frustrating when...
working out doesn't work.
eating healthy doesn't work.
taking dietary supplements doesn't work.
changing meds doesn't work.

Like what the fuck is there other than dying?!

It's such a mind fuck every morning when I'm getting ready for work and I can barely fit into my pants because I've gained 30 lbs. My bra is barely keeping my girls in place because they have just about outgrown it. I absolutely love button down shirts but all the ones I own don't close anymore. I only feel somewhat decent these days when wearing something with a stretchy waist and a t-shirt. I hate not feeling good about myself but it's certainly not for lack of trying. All I can do is re-group and keep going or just drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream.

Adios Amanda!

When Amanda first told me she was moving my stomach immediately started to turn. It seriously hit me in the gut because she's one of my favorite friends (and co-workers). I remember telling Dustin over the phone that I'm trying not to be sad until the actual last day comes. 

Hold it together until it's time to fall apart. 

I feel like I did pretty well with that. I let myself just live in each moment and appreciate each day I had with her. I arranged a little after work dinner a couple weeks before her last day with our fellow co-workers. We had such a fun time even though not everyone was able to come. Still we laughed and talked and reminisced. 

She and I went out to lunch just about every day that last week she was here. I already miss that. 

Her last day was the Friday before Memorial Day weekend. I had that Friday off because I was traveling to Texas so we threw her goodbye party that Thursday. We went with a coffee theme because she was our coffee fanatic. She is serious about coffee the way I'm serious about snail mail. She drinks her coffee black. She is too hard core for cream or sugar and only occasionally will drink coffee with some kind of flavor. Although she did have this blueberry coffee once and the aroma that came out of her office was so delicious. Anyway, was there really any other theme except coffee? The answer is no. 

We all banded together and came up with decor, food, and a little gift. Although it was a sad day we had such a good time. We were really trying our darnedest to show her how loved and appreciate she is and especially how missed she will be. 

I left work early that day to catch my flight but she had asked me to drop her off at her dealership to pick up her car on my way home, which I of course agreed to. I felt so strong and together during that drive, but the minute we hugged and said our "final" goodbye, I just lost it. She finally got out of the car and I drove away but that shit was hard. 

I went to Walgreens for something right after and sobbed the entire time I was in the store while simultaneously talking to Dustin. It was hard. Even though we text almost daily I still miss seeing her walk by my office or ask if I brought my lunch or looking out at the bird family together. 

I know people move...and move on. I know we're not all supposed to stay in the same little bubble forever. It took a long time for me to be ok with that but it's still hard to get used to. I admire those that can pick up and start a new adventure more than anyone. It's so easy to stay in the same place and certainly takes a lot of guts to go somewhere new. I'm happy for her and her family and wish them the best in Ohio. 

She's only a 2 hour flight away and 3.5 hours from Dustin's grandma's house...

 

Not A Father's Day Post

Harper Grae aka Shan released her new song 'Dear Daddy' a couple days ago. It brought me right back to being a late teen and having all of these unresolved feelings and anger toward my own father. I'm happy to say I don't feel like that anymore and I haven't felt that way in a long time. It took a lot to work through it - all of my teens and it even creeped into my early twenties but I was able to let it go and find peace. Sometimes relationships cannot be mended and the best thing to do is cut the toxicity out of your life. 

Here are some other songs for all of with shitty dads to get you through the day:

Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole - Martha Wainwright

Father of Mine - Everclear

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

Styrofoam Plates - Death Cab for Cutie

Confessions of a Broken Heart - Lindsay Lohan

Daughters - John Mayer

Emotionless - Good Charlotte

Sad Dreams - Sky Ferreira

I think about all of my friends and their relationships (or lack thereof) with their own fathers and it's sad because only a couple of them had genuinely amazing dads. Most of the people I know either have never known their dad or the relationship crashed and burned. We're a whole generation of fatherless people.

The wonderful part is it seems like most of us older millennials are really stepping up to the plate. I am blown away by the fathers I know that are around my age. They are not only sticking around (no matter if things worked out with the mother) but are so involved. It's such a beautiful thing to see. I hope this continues because kids deserve great parents and fathers play an important role in everyone's upbringing. To the dads that deserve it - keep on keeping on!

A quick shout out to the best cat dad in the universe! I love how much you love our kittiots. I know you were more hesitant about giving them a home but that didn't last very long because they hooked you in quick. Thanks for helping me wipe butts, clean up vomit, putting a certain orange one on a diet, filling their water bowl, taking allergy meds daily because you're kind of allergic, brushing them, taking them to the vet, and always having their back when they are scared of doorbells and thunderstorms.

Happy Father's Day Dustin!

I Don't Know About You But I'm Feeling 32

My birthday fell on a Wednesday this year. I'm a big believer in not working on your birthday if at all possible so I took the day off. I was just going to hang out but then Dustin asked if he should take off too. I was all like "totally!" I woke up early so I had plenty of time to shove contacts into my eyeballs and put my swimsuit on. In between getting ready I got all kinds of birthday messages from some of my favorite people. I was just smiling from ear to ear. 

Dustin woke up a little while later and sleepily handed me a card. I could tell right away it was customized to resemble Olive and Cheeto. He told me that his co-worker's wife made the card after he showed them a photo of our cats. His only request is that Cheeto be "a lot bigger" - HA! It seriously meant so much. I actually hung it up on our fridge because it's too good to be thrown into a box hidden away. He had already given me my other presents long before my birthday so this was all that was left. 

The only thing I truly wanted was one of those DNA tests and he totally delivered. I shipped my little tube of saliva off a couple weeks ago but it should take 6-8 weeks to get back the results. I cannot wait! I'm sure it'll come back with "100% white girl" but I'd like to know specifically where my DNA traces back to. I've been told by both sides of my family that we have Native American in us but I'm not sure if I believe it. I feel like heritage and ancestry is kind of like playing that game telephone and after so many generations everything just starts getting misinterpreted. So I'm excited to see what the truth is or closer to it at least. 

When I heard Roseanne was coming back with an 8 episodes in 2018 I told Dustin we should watch it  if it's on Netflix but since it's not available on Netflix he surprised me with the entire series on DVD and we started binging it immediately. We're about halfway through season 2 and loving it. I had seen some of the later episodes here and there but I had never watched it in it's entirety so I'm really enjoying being transported back to the late 80s/90s with the Connor family. I totally get why there was so much hype around that show. It is not only really funny but real. Out of all the TV families I've watched they have got to be the most realistic. Dan works in construction, Roseanne worked at a plastic factory but quit and then at a fast food place to get by...so far. Darlene and Dan are by far my favorites. But I also like Jackie. Ahh, they are all awesome. 

Dustin also got me what most people would consider "gag" gifts but I take very seriously in my preparedness collection. He got me a space blanket (inside joke), Go Girl (so pumped about this one as I am not gifted in outdoor peeing), and reusable waterproof shoe covers (which are perfect for when it's pouring and you aren't wearing your rain boots)! If you know me you know that I like to be prepared for all of life's crazy moments so these gifts are right up my alley. 

Dustin and I went out to breakfast at First Watch because I wanted a big banana granola crunch pancake and that is just what I got. It was so nice just having a relaxing morning stuffing our faces on a Wednesday. From there we went to Wekiwa Springs. As we pulled into the parking lot a family of deer walked right in front of us so I stopped to let them pass and of course get a photo! Dustin and I were the only ones there aside from some construction workers who were working on repairing the springs wall. It was pretty damn cold but it was so muggy out that it was more refreshing than anything. We brought our goggles, Go Pro, and of course the donut float. We got to see a pretty large soft shell turtle swim by us under water. We were there a good 15 minutes when I realized all the footage I was "recording" on my Go Pro actually didn't record at all because I forgot the damn SD card. I was so bummed! Sure I was bummed I couldn't document this cool experience but I was bummed more so because it was the first time I have gotten to take my Go Pro to a spring. Oh well, thankfully we are planning another springs trip with the Benton's. I will make sure to be more prepared. A lady came to swim laps just as we were leaving. We talked to her for a bit and she told us a story about her coming face to face with a snake on one of her swims and freaking out. Girl, I don't even blame you. The would have heard me scream had that been me! As we were leaving more people started to arrive so it was the perfect time to pack up and head home. 

We came home and showered and immediately turned on the Penguins Stanley Cup Champs parade. Dustin was able to broadcast the local channel on our TV via his xbox so it was like we were right there. It was so fun seeing all of the former and current players riding down the road. They were all wearing shorts and their jersey. It was kind of odd being able to see their legs. This is it for a few players as some are either going to another team or retiring altogether. It was such a bittersweet moment especially for Fleury. He was and will always be my first hockey boyfriend. I remember seeing him walk into the Igloo in a powder blue suit a couple days after Dustin and I got married and loving him ever since. I'll post a whole Pens blog here in the next few days and go into detail about this whole back to back Stanley Cup win. 

Dustin and I went out to lunch and came back and just hung out for a bit before taking the cats for their nail trim appointment. Cheeto is always a little celebrity when he goes to any vets office. Everyone cannot believe how big he is. He IS a big cat for sure. We were in and out within five minutes. Easy peasy. 

We dropped the little kittiots at home and then headed to the mall for a DQ blizzard. I didn't want cake or pie or anything except a damn blizzard. So that's what we got. We sat in the mall on the bench and people-watched while eating our blizzards. It was the best. 

The rest of the night was spent watching, you guessed it, Roseanne. It was a very simple but enjoyable birthday. I loved all of the messages via text, Snapchat, and Facebook. I especially loved the Happy Birthday singing from my Zinzi girls, getting to talk to my Amanda, and Face-timing with Rachelle and Dilyn. 

I started a fundraiser in honor of my birthday to support Planned Parenthood. I invited most of my friends on Facebook to it hoping for $1 and $5 donations. I honestly thought getting to $100 would be a challenge. I posted on the fundraiser wall a few times. I didn't want to be pushy because I hate that shit. I just wanted to get the word out that if you could and wanted I would greatly appreciate a donation. The first week of June was a particularly a hard one on me. I had just said goodbye to a friend who moved out of state, I was having (still am having) weight issues and am feeling pretty down about it, and Dustin and I keep running into roadblocks regarding buying a house. It was just one of those perfect storms of a week where I was incredibly emotional but I was doing my best to hold it together. That Friday the donations started rolling in. $10 here $20 there. And as I kept getting the notifications on my phone the tears just flowed down my face at work. I was overwhelmed by all of the generosity. And not only by my close friends but I had donations from people I have only met once or people I know mainly via social media. I was and still am so blown away that so many people gave to such an important cause. On my birthday I celebrated all of YOU for helping women and their families get the services that they need. 

Thank you again to:

Katie

Jodi

Jess

Nicole

Rachelle

Dustin

Erin

Molina

Lauren

Alicia

Shannon

Luly

Tommy

Joanne

You guys raised $305. Not only did I surpass my goal BUT I fucking tripled it thanks to all of you. 

If all that wasn't enough (and believe me it was more than) my work family surprised me on Thursday morning with more birthday celebrating. They know I have a love for snail mail so they turned that into my all decor theme. They even turned the bulletin board into a giant envelope. Like this is the level of awesomeness I'm working with you guys. I am in love with the 3D flowers and the level of detail (did you notice the giant stamp looks like it's been through a mail machine and the banner is made out of actual envelopes?!). They also brought in some of the best homemade cupcakes, cookies, and donuts. My sweet tooth was so happy. I am the one who checks the mail for our department so each day I head over across the hall to the mailroom and get our mail. Wouldn't you know I had several cards (one from each person in my department) in our mail slot AND they actually went through the real mail. It was so much fun opening them all up. That seriously made me cry. I was expecting something more low key because our group isn't as big as it used to be but oh no they went all out and I could not be more grateful. 

Hayley sent me the funniest DIY pamphlet from her place of work. And the cat card and bad ass pins?! So good!

Amanda sent me a wood postcard with the sweetest message. WOOD!

I bought myself a Sawyer funko pop because come on! He's the best character on LOST. Dustin got me baby Groot! I'm going to need a damn shelving unit for all these guys. 

We met Antonia and Ed for lunch today which we had been planning for awhile but they just so happened to give me my birthday present at the same time. I'm obsessed with the card and book. I'm so pumped to read about all of these bad ass women, some I recognize and others I'm looking forward to getting to know. Such a perfect gift! Lunch was fun because, duh, we love them but it was quite the experience with our crazy waiter. I'll just leave it at that because I don't have the energy to go into detail.  I straight up had to come home and take a nap because it was so exhausting. Ha!

I have the absolute best people in my life. Thank you all for making my 32nd so amazing.