Monday, August 11, 2025

Erin Zings

I went a little ham sandwich!

He is just Jelly Furtado. 

No one has really blown up my skirt yet. 

You didn't tell me the pads under your sink were $5 foot longs!

I can't wait to poop so I can use the bidet!

I want a refund on my family!

I told him I lost 130lbs and I'm about to lose 230 more of dead weight.

I love that our phone calls go from me telling you about straddling a guy and then you are like "let me tell you about my post office experience".

Sunday, August 10, 2025

Devils Butthole

I have had Devil's Den on my Bucket List for the better part of twenty years. I don't remember how I heard about its existence but I guarantee it was thanks to the handy dandy interweb. Every time summer rolls around or there is talk of a springs day I am always whining "We still need to go to Devils Den!". I mentioned it while visiting Pat and Jessica a few months back and she was automatically in. Side note: She's like a real deal master diver and knows her shit. She was so helpful in planning our day trip to the prehistoric cave that is Devils Den that some of us kept referring to as the Devils Butthole.

Jessica and Pat drove from Palm Coast and Dustin and I from Orlando to meet in the middle of nowhere Florida. We started the day at Cedar Lakes Woods and Gardens which is literally right next to Devils Den but a completely separate property/entrance/fee. Cedar Lakes is a century old abandoned limerock quarry turned botanical garden. 

Just when we were about to start our trek through the grounds the sky opened up and we all took refuge at a picnic table under a pavilion. We talked for a good 20 minutes while a very rotund squirrel watched us closely. Finally the rain became more of a drizzle and we got to exploring. 

This place was so dreamy with it's giant lily pads, waterfalls (something Florida does not usually have), and plants of all kinds. The railing seemed so unsafe and I honestly kept thinking about how many people had tumbled down into the water. Thankfully our group made it out unscathed. 

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We pulled out of Cedar Lakes and pulled into the next left which was our final and most important destination. Jameson or Jamison, maybe I will jut refer to him as J henceforth, was very helpful during our check in. We had reservations for 2pm but were a bit early so we walked the grounds and got all of our equipment ready. You can rent snorkeling gear or bring your own. Thankfully Jessica had a bunch of extras and let me borrow everything. There was also a public pool that we were allowed to use but we didn't have time. As we were getting ready for our snorkeling adventure J came over to talk to us aka give Pat a hard time. He mentioned bones found in the dem and I immediately volunteered our group to see them. We all sat down while he passed around a mammoth vertebrae, horse jaw, fossilized sand dollar, a big ol' shark tooth, part of a turtle shell, and old ass coral. J was very knowledgeable about them all and I was having a great time. He even gave Pat two free stickers!  

J told us we could go into the cave a little earlier than our scheduled time since it wasn't at capacity. He gave us the full run down of rules - divers have the right-of-way, mask/snorkel/fins are required at all times, STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS, and phones/my old ass GoPro were welcome to join us. He said he'd be watching us... Then I started asking how often he has had to come down there. He told us he's down there all the time to yell at people but thankfully not as often to save people. But since he is also a scuba diver he's got to be able to get on his equipment quickly in a pinch. He reminded us that the closest hospital was 45 minutes away. Cool. 

We all walked down the stone steps as if we're going to some dungeon basement in an old castle. Once I got to the first landing and looked to my left, all I could see was the most gorgeous color of blue. We walked down more stairs and made our way to the platform where the chilly water came up to our ankles. We all put on our fins and goggles and slowly made our way down the steps. Spring water always feels refreshing as hell during summer but it also takes your breath away with that first full body dunk. But once I was in I was feeling wonderful. I was currently in a prehistoric cave swimming with some of my favorite people. Does it get better than that? Now I will admit that getting used to the fins was a comical process but most people were also struggling so we all just laughed at one another. There were a few times where I accidentally kicked another snorkeler because they were swimming under me and I didn't know they were there. Oops! The water was clear but we couldn't see really deep down well. I'm not sure if it's always like that, or because it was overcast there wasn't any strong sunlight to help spotlight it all. We swam around for our allotted hour and then bid farewell to the perfect teal water and the vegetation chandelier.

I was beyond thankful that this indoor cat actually had a really good day outside, in Florida, IN AUGUST. We lucked out with the weather because every other day the heat index has been 115. The pictures are amazing but goddamn to see something this cool in person is a whole other thing. And not just SEE it but swim in it, play in it, experience it. 10/10 recommend. Tell J that Pat sent you. 

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