Currently

Waiting: On biopsy results of a suspicious mole on my hip. I read an article, this article to be exact, and it really gave me the push to make a dermatology appointment. I called last Monday and they got me in Wednesday. I have had a couple skin colored bumps pop up on my face over recent months. My first thought was "oh these are probably temporary" but when they didn't go away I got kind of nervous. My second thought was "getting older fucking sucks". But after reading the article, I wanted to make sure they were nothing to be concerned about. Better safe than sorry. Plus I haven't been to a dermatologist since I was maybe 13 or so. It was definitely long overdue.

I got to the office early Wednesday morning. They got me right in and asked me to point out the bumps/spots in question. The doctor said the bumps on my face could go either way. So basically there is a 50% chance that it could be something and a 50% chance that it's nothing at all. She wants me to keep an eye on the areas and look for changes. I will also be going back in 6 months to get checked again.

Then she suggested that I (and everyone) should have a full body check. Basically all it involved is me getting into a gown and her going up and down my entire body looking for anything abnormal. I was like "I'm here. Let's do it!". She said my skin looked really good but was concerned about a freckle on my hip. She suggested I get it biopsied. I asked if she had time to just do it right now. There's no time like the present. Thankfully she was able to fit me in, not that it really took long.

The nurse gave me a shot to numb the area and then called the doctor back in. She sliced the little area off and dropped it into a little plastic container. I will get the results in 10 days. It's interesting to me how I came in for one thing and they found something else that could be potentially an issue. I know all of my friends are sick of hearing me preach about sun screen and going to the doctor but please do both. Wear sunscreen anytime you'll be out in the sun NO MATTER your skin type. Make your spouse wear it and your kids too! Also, go to a dermatologist to do the full body check when you can. It doesn't ever hurt to get checked.

Listening to:

  

Excited about: Erin coming to visit in less than a week. Remember how she was supposed to come Memorial Day weekend but ended up breaking her foot? Well now she is thankfully almost 100% healed and able to come visit. It's going to be a very short visit (a little less than 48 hours) but we are still super psyched. I just feel grateful to spend any real face-to-face time with her. Dustin moved all of his drum stuff so we could bring the guest bed back inside from the garage so she will have a nice comfy place to sleep. I love getting ready for company to come over. Also, the cats love that there is a bed that they can actually hide under. I'll probably have to wrangle them out of there so they don't bother her. Ha!

Reading: 

White-Hot Hack by Tracey Jarvis-Graves - This is the second book (and I believe the last) in the Kate and Ian saga. Heart-Shaped Hack is one of my favorite romance books of all time so I was pumped to start this one. It's just got really clever and fun dialogue mixed with a great romantic story that is much less gaggy than a Nicholas Sparks book (although I love me some NS!). I'm about 60% into the new book and I'm enjoying it a lot. Obviously I love these characters (especially Ian) but the first book will always be the best especially for this kind of genre. 

Disappointed in: The Big Bang Bazaar. I had plans to go with my new friend Lauren but she had to cancel because she had a family event to attend that she forgot about, so Dustin ended up tagging along. This particular one was at the Central Florida Fairgrounds. I hadn't been there since 2004's Warped Tour. It was just as hot and miserable this time around. Dustin and I had to hike what felt like miles in the blazing sun to the giant warehouse building filled with vendors. First of all, the vendors were so similar. I kept seeing the same type of craft or product multiple times. Now that's not to say there weren't some awesome vendors because there were, but I felt this BBB was lacking in variety overall. The only thing I ended up buying was a skirt from a little vintage clothing boutique. Super pumped to wear it this weekend when Erin's here. 

Happy for: My seester M aka Dustin's sister! Her boyfriend, Ben, popped the question yesterday during her 25th birthday party. I've never been more bummed about us living 1,000 miles away. I definitely wish we could've been there but at least we got to FaceTime with her immediately afterwards. I'm so happy for her/them. I can't wait to hear about their wedding plans in the upcoming months. 

Found

I love this at-home engagement shoot.

Best fucking stationary ever. I want it all!

Going to concerts regularly leads to a happier life...

WEAR. FUCKING. SUNSCREEN. This article really woke me up in getting my ass to the dermatologist. I've been pro sunscreen for the better part of the last 10 yrs but I'm afraid some damage may already be done and I want it checked out ASAP.

Research suggests being lazy is a sign of high intelligence.

Nap people, where you at?! (I love me some naps!)

5 Reasons I Don't Give A Fuck If I Swear In Front Of My Kids

How It Physically Feels To Have A Panic Attack

15 Podcasts You need To Hear In 2016 - I've already started Gilmore Guys and love it!

Postman Writes Little Letters For Dog Who Loves Getting Mail

How Popular Are Your Harry Potter opinions?

SNL Breaking Character

Zero Fucks

Siblings Picked Tattoos For Each Other

Another one from Grace VanderWaal

Poor Kid Status

I grew up poor.

I always had a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my stomach but I still grew up poor.

I shouldn't even have to preface this post by saying this but I will anyway. I'm well aware that there are much worse situations out there. Of course there are. I'm not writing this to complain or get sympathy. I wrote it because it's part of who I am. It's what helped shaped me whether I like it or not. I absolutely had everything I needed in terms of basic human needs but try telling that to a kid who sees their peers have more than them. This isn't a "poor pitiful me" sorry. No. This is just how I grew up and how I felt about certain things regarding our financial situation. 

The house I lived in for the first 17 years of my life was owned by my grandparents which meant my mom paid a seriously reduced rent. It was incredibly old. I believe it was built in the 1920s and only had one bathroom. It did have three bedrooms, however, the "guest" room that never saw one actual guest, was more of a junk room. It also housed the washer and dryer. Like I said, it was old and honestly scared me as a kid. The walls in the hallway were wood so it made it really dark. The closets were the same. I only used my closet for storage because it freaked me out to actually open the door. The house was under a huge oak tree which I'm certain was part of the reason we had so many damn roaches. I know everyone gets the occasional roach but we had them all of the time. I distinctly remember opening the fridge and one flying out. Yes, I said FLYING. These were crazy fucking roaches. I also remember one making an appearance while I had some girls over for a slumber party. Needless to say, I didn't really like having friends come over very often. I was always self conscious about how little we had and of course all the damn roaches. 

 

My house is the one on the top. My BFF growing up lived a couple blocks away. Hers is on the bottom.

My mom's car for my entire childhood was an early 1980's brown Toyota Corolla Wagon, much like this one. I was always so embarrassed by her car. I was embarrassed because it was old and I was embarrassed because it was ugly. I would duck while we would drive through certain parts of town. Even the kids I grew up with in our neighborhood would mention how hideous it was. They never made fun of me directly but by them hating on that stupid car it felt like an attack on me. 

Why is it that the toys you didn't get as a kid stand out more than the ones you did? As a little kid I was obsessed with those Fisher Price cars. It would be the first thing I would run to at someone else's house. I never had one of my own. This week at work we got on the subject of American Girl dolls (which was the inspiration for this particular blog topic). Just about every parent I know who has a daughter have gotten them an American Girl doll. Those suckers are so expensive. I knew as a kid they were expensive but only because I was told so. Hell, $20 felt like a million dollars as a kid so what did I know. I was telling the girls I work with how I always wanted one but, you guessed it, never got one. But you know what I did get? The catalog. Oh the 90's catalogs! When the catalog came in the mail every so often I would circle the dolls that I wanted and pretend to play with them with the cheapo off-brand dolls I did own. Speaking of catalogs, remember Delia's? Yep, same thing. I would circle all the clothes I wanted but would never ever get. 

I was the kid who got "free lunch" (aka your parents make so little that the school will feed you for free) from kindergarten through my senior year of high school. I was always jealous of the kids who sat in the cafeteria next to me who brought food from home in their cool lunch boxes or better yet had their parents bring them a happy meal. I was constantly stuck with whatever was on the cafeteria's menu. In middle school my dad would give me $20 every 2 weeks to put toward my lunches so I basically lived off of lunchables in those years. I don't remember eating full lunches in high school. I would grab a bag of chips here or a soda there and just eat when I got home. I was far too embarrassed to ever eat the free lunch available at my high school. 

I know middle schoolers now just sit in front of a screen all day but back in my day going to the mall was the shit. Any free time my friend's and I had was spent at the mall. I both loved and dreaded those times. The mall we used to frequent had a movie theater across the parking lot from it in the 90s, so a lot of times we would walk to the movies after a long day of boy watching in the food court. This sounds all fine and well until you're the poor girl of the group. All of my friend's parents would just hand them a 10 or even a 20 and send them on their way. I had to look for change in the couch cushions and beg my mom. But she didn't really have anything to give me either. I would rely mostly on birthday money from relatives and friends. You could say I learned how to budget at a young age. It was either that or I had to fake some reason I couldn't go. And I always wanted to go. 

I didn't have a TV in my room at my mom's house until high school. I took my TV from my dad's house when he packed up all of my stuff and put it on his porch to move me out and his new family in. I also didn't have a computer in my entire house until high school and even then we didn't even have the internet. The computer was a hand-me-down from my grandparents. It constantly had problems and wasn't even worth having. I would borrow friend's computers or go to the library to type up any school reports. I never owned a gaming system. The only time I got to play Mario Kart or Zelda or Sonic was when I was at someone else's house. 

I was never into sports but after my BFF in middle school, Val, told me she was starting karate, I too, wanted to take karate. Well that shit is expensive. Like hundreds if not a couple thousand dollars. Needless to say, my grandparents footed the bill for that one. I took karate for a year thanks to them. They were the reason I got to experience so many things when I was younger because there would've been no way my mom would've been able to afford Hanson tickets, my homecoming dress, Disney, braces, a trip to the West Coast, yearbooks, etc. That was all my grandparents. Without them my childhood would have been much different. 

My mom was constantly stressed out about money. If I even mentioned a new this or that she would say "I'm not made out of money you know!" and get all defensive. I would roll my eyes and stomp to my room. I just wanted what everyone else had. She made me feel that the reason she didn't have money was my fault. Hell, maybe it was. I didn't grow up in the lap of luxury by any means. I struggled with a lot of embarrassment about our financial situation. But at the same time, that struggle taught me a lot. Of course it wasn't until later in life that I realized it but I appreciate the things I have so much. I'm still not living some extravagant life but I am able to buy what I need AND want. I know little me would be so excited over the fact that I'm typing this from my very own iMac. She would be thrilled that Dustin and I go to the movies all the time and that I can buy clothes online anytime I want.

If I could go back and change things I wouldn't. Sure, I'd love to be the girl in school with the coolest JNCOs or fanciest CD player but I turned out just fine without those things. It was hard living in the moment but it also shaped me into who I am right now. And I love who I am right now. I don't say that in some conceded way but in a way that I've been through a lot, and although I'm not perfect, I feel I've grown into someone I'm proud to be. Because I was hardly ever just given things, I appreciate them so much more than the kid who got everything growing up. I have had to work hard for the things I have and the places I've been. I don't take any of it for granted. I know how to budget and even though I'm not against splurging here and there, I mostly live very frugally because of how I grew up.

It's tough being the kid who doesn't have what your friends do. It makes you feel like you're some kind of weirdo or just living on the outside of their world. But being different isn't a bad thing. I actually embrace it as an adult. Here's to all the kids out there who don't have it all but will someday. 

What I Wore #53

This whole outfit was bought at separate times but on the cheap. The shirt was on sale at Old Navy for something like $7. I love how simple it is but still has a little uniqueness. It's very business in the front, party in the back! How cute are my new ombre Vans? Super cute is the correct answer. But what's even cooler is the fact that I got them for $20. TWENTY DOLLARS. That is unheard of in the land of Vans. I'm still pumped about that deal. I don't like getting all dolled up on weekends unless I'm specifically going out somewhere. But that isn't to say I don't want to look and feel good. I like that this outfit is very casual but put together. Also it's extremely comfy! 

Shirt: Old Navy

Jeans: American Eagle

Shoes: Ross

Earrings: A store in the mall I can't remember the name of.

Marie's Birthday

Last Thursday was Marie's birthday. When I heard my mom and Aunt Sarah were taking her out to eat I totally invited myself. I figured I could just meet up with them after work and we could make it a fun little girl party. But then my mom told me my Aunt planned on coming earlier in the day so she didn't have to deal with traffic and driving in the dark on her way back to Gainesville, which made perfect sense. I didn't even hesitate to take off half a day of work. I asked my boss who is always really understanding of our lives outside of the office. So that was that. I left work at 12pm. 

I swung by Publix to pick up flowers and a card. It took me forever to pick out the perfect flowers. Marie does not get mediocre flowers ever. I wanted the perfect mix, which after 10 minutes of circling, I finally found. 

 I then met everyone at The Cheesecake Factory. It was pretty busy for a random Thursday. We had to wait a few minutes. While waiting I received a text from Hayley that she was able to FaceTime. So I called her and the minute her face popped up on my screen the waitress told us our table was ready. So I held the phone up so Hayley could see us walking to the table. Of course I got lots of weird looks and stares. Apparently one guy thought I was knee deep in playing Pokemon Go. No sir, just enjoying a FaceTime sesh with my cousin so she can be included in this all girl birthday party from across the United States. Hayley just so happened to be in a Target somewhere in Arizona. She was buying an interview dress before she caught a flight to Connecticut. It was just perfect timing that she got to see and talk to Marie at the same time. Marie was so cute and asked me "Can she see us?" and I replied "Yes!". It's times like these when technology is just extra cool. We said goodbye to Hayley and looked at the menu. 

I was the only one out of our foursome that didn't order their Shephard's Pie. I went with the fetticine alfredo and oh-em-gee was it good. I mean, you can't go wrong with anything from that place. We had the best time just talking about random topics. We discussed reality shows (I have added Married At First Sight to my watchlist) and talked about their childhood with Marie. I really loved learning about Marie's life. She told me she and Bubba (her late husband) moved to Florida  from Georgia when they were 25 and that's when she started working for my grandparents. I asked her what made them want to move and she said because she would see license plates that read "The Sunshine State" and thought it sounded so nice. I also didn't realize she had so many siblings. I think it was 7 or so. I can't remember the exact number but she comes from a big family! My aunt asked if she ever had a birthday party growing up and she said in those days no one could afford a party. So then I asked if she got a birthday cake for her birthdays. She did! Well on this birthday she got a lemon meringue cheesecake and looked like she was in heaven taking a bite. The cheesecake staff even sang to her which I don't think she enjoyed even though she was a good sport. Lunch was so fun and I'm glad I took off to be apart of it. My Aunt and mom took Marie home and I headed to my own home in the opposite direction full of happiness (and lots of pasta).  

This Month In Photos

I knew it had been awhile since I had done one of these posts but I didn't realize it had been two months! What the hell! So here are all the random photos from my life over that time. I'll try not to go so long next time around. 

I made that kitty wall decor for Nicole's birthday. It's so simple yet made such a statement!

One of the only photos I have of the three of us. I love how Cheeto's face is all smushed down.

I bought Dilyn a Pens onesie back when the Pens were in the playoffs. Well we all know how that turned out so I'm pretty sure her support helped push them into another Stanley Cup victory! // Sometimes you just buy yourself flowers and they're so pretty you take a photo.

Just nerding it up. 

I dressed the part on the Friday before the 4th. I didn't do a damn thing on the actual 4th. // Dustin sends me some of the funniest texts. But now since becoming cat parents he sends me funny cat texts.

I was going out on the town. Dustin was staying in on the couch. 

Harley Quinn is forever my girl crush. Dustin and I took these photos when we went to see Star Trek.  A few weeks later we saw Suicide Squad. First of all both movies were good. Suicide Squad was not as awful as the critics want you to believe. It certainly wasn't perfect and they could have done a lot of things better but overall it was enjoyable. Harley and the Joker made it!

Very rarely can I get a decent shot of both of them especially awake. This was clearly my day!

Luna hangs out on my desk at work. Her and the nargles. 

Best snap filter ever. I'm motherfucking Harry Potter! // I played Pokemon Go for about a week. It was fun but then I got my fill and deleted it. I saved Olive from whoever this evil purple guy is. 

Caffe Latte Gelati is pretty much the only thing we ever get from Jeremiah's. It's just SO damn good.

Pat was posing for his new dating app. profile pic. It screams "Check out this brick behind me. Cool huh?" // FaceTiming with my boo and our furkids. Yes, we both watched Cheeto use the litter box. We're not weird. You're weird. 

I took Dustin to 4 Rivers for the first time a few weekends ago. He seemed to really like everything (especially the sides) but wasn't the biggest fan of the BBQ sauce.

Addilyn in her pink skeleton PJs that Dustin picked out from the GAP last year. It's weird because I remember being at the mall with him looking for baby clothes and thinking "She won't be able to fit into this for a long time" and now look at her all big and stuff! // Lazy caturday!

I read this book in less than 24 hours. I couldn't put it down. It was partly because I was really enjoying it but partly because it's Harry Potter. Critics didn't seem to like it BUT fuck critics. It was certainly a little hard to get used to reading script format but once I got used to it I loved the story. I wish it were more detailed like a regular HP book but that's just not how scripts work and I get that. Overall I thought it was a really interesting look into the lives of the adult trio and their kids. 

I bought Kierce the game 'Pie In The Face' for her birthday and she clearly hated it. Ha! // I did a hair tutorial that I never made public. If you want to see it just message me and I'll send you the link. 

Chipotle with my girl Nicole! 

The Best Worst Beach Day

I haven't been to the beach all year. That's right, sometimes us Floridians just have no interest in the blistering sun, salt water in our eyes, and sand all up in our cracks. Actually the last time I was at the beach was about a year ago. Katie's like me in the fact that she and I are not beach people. We are the types that enjoy one or two beach days a year and then we're good to go. 

So a few weeks ago I asked her if she and the girls wanted to check one of our two beach days off. I drove to her house and then the two of us took a scenic back road to good ol' Palm Coast. It was just the two of us since we had to pick up the girls from her mother-in-law's house. We girl talked, sipped on some iced coffees, and made a short pit stop to see a camel. Humpy is a camel that lives on some farm along the road to Palm Coast. I had no idea of his existence until she told me about him. He was pretty damn big and well, humpy. 

As we pulled into the driveway to pick up the girls the dark clouds passed over head. We were a tad concerned but we headed to the beach nonetheless. We got all set up with our towels, chairs and umbrella. We took some obligatory selfies as you do. We want to prove to everyone that we've been to the beach once this year and we're proud of it! It wasn't long after that I was checking out the water when I turned and saw Katie chasing my umbrella that had started flying down the beach. And then right after we tamed the umbrella it started to rain. Ok no big deal, right? We're already in our swimsuits so no problem, except it started to rain pretty hard and add serious wind to that mix and Katie and I were hiding under our towels for most of the time we were at the beach. At least there were a lot of crabs running around to entertain us.  It started to subside enough that we went to play in the murky Flagler water with the girls for a bit. I had a blast helping them boogie board! But then it started to really get dark and rainy so we called it and packed our shit up. We couldn't even dry off because all of our towels were soaked. So were our clothes. We made the best of it even though Aubrie was really unhappy that she was still sandy on the drive home. I'm with you kid. No fun at all! We stopped to grab a quick lunch and then stopped by Tommy's work to say hello.

I love that we made the best out of a otherwise pretty annoying weather day. 

But the truth is, it's always a good time when I'm with the Zinzi girls. 

Can't wait until our next beach trip...in 2017. HA!