A Nexplanation

It's been exactly two weeks since I got the nexplanon inserted. Oh what a two weeks it's been.

Dustin came with me to the appointment which automatically set me more at ease. They took me right back, took my weight, had me sign a form, and then I got comfortable on the exam table. Dustin sat in the chair next to me while we both watched the nurse get all of the instruments ready. The minute I saw a needle I looked away. The less I see the better!

My regular doctor doesn't perform nexplanon insertions so another doctor in the office did it. He was very nice and tried to make small talk while he was getting the needle full of numbing shit ready. He told me to lay down and bend my arm next to me in an L shape. I looked the opposite direction and squeezed Dustin's hand as he numbed my arm. It stung quite a bit but thankfully didn't last long.

Then with no wait time at all he just started unwrapping the nexplanon device. And just like that he was done. He asked me to hold the cotton over my arm while he got a couple steri-strips and a bandaid. The minute he was done putting the bandaid on I started to feel lightheaded. I told the doctor and Dustin I was going to pass out. He told me to lay down. But then just seconds later I told them I was going to throw up. The doctor grabbed the trashcan and he and Dustin held it up for me while I threw up. Then I played back down as the doctor ran out of the room to get some ice. He gave me ice and I put it behind my neck and just laid there for a little while. He told me to take my time and there was no rush leaving the room. So Dustin just hung out with me while I tried to regain my strength. He of course made me laugh which helped speed up the process.

I got through the whole damn procedure like a champ and I pass out/vomit when it's over? What in the hell is wrong with me?

On the way home we stopped by Wawa where Dustin got me a banana bread muffin and an apple juice. It was the perfect little treat to get me to 100% so I could go back to work.

I was of course super paranoid the whole day. I didn't want to move my left arm in fear the device might pop out or the bandaid would come off and I'd just bleed out at my desk. I'm very dramatic about this kind of stuff. I'm not sure if you could tell or not. I made it through the day like a champ.

Per my doctor's instructions I was to change the bandage 24 hours later. I did not want to do it by myself because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it so my trusty husband was by my side as a back up. I slowly took off the bandaid. I'm fine. Then I take off one steri-strip and blood starts dripping down my arm. I AM NOT FINE. I start to pass out while sitting on the toilet. Dustin had to grab me as I slid off. He quickly took off both stern-strips cleaned it off and put new ones on. The whole time I was sliding off the toilet and I honestly don't remember much of the whole ordeal. He helped me get into bed, brought me a vomit bucket, and an ice pack and then we proceeded to watch Blank Check.

What a fucking night to say the least.

The following day I took off the bandage entirely and it scabbed up. I had a little bruise but other than that I was just fine. Things were healing as they should be until Sunday hit. That's when a rash started to appear. I went out and bought benadryl and hydrocortisone cream since I couldn't call the doctor. The rash was still there the following day so I emailed the office. They said to keep using the hydrocortisone cream 3x daily for a few days and to let them know if it continues or gets worse. Well it would get a little better and then it would come back. So by the end of the week I called them and was all like "Should I be worried about my arm falling off? Umm maybe I should come in so you can see what the hell is going on." The nurse said she'd get with the doctor and call me back. So all day I waited while envisioning my arm turning out like Harry's did when Professor Lockhart tried to "fit" it during that Quidditch game his second year at Hogwarts. You know the one. Finally she said the doctor wants me to continue with the hydrocortisone and doesn't need me to come in unless it changes drastically. I feel like my drastic and his drastic probably aren't the same but I kept on with the cream. And by golly it fucking worked. I am 98% rash free as of right now. All I have is a small scar of where the nexplanon was inserted which will fade in time too.

So I got through it. My body never just lets me ease through shit. It's got to be a fucking diva about it.

I'll do a follow up post once I've had it in a few months to go over any other issues that may arise. Fingers crossed there are no other issues and I can just be BFFs with this little stick in my arm for the next 3 years while being able to have sex without getting pregnant. That's the dream!

By the way I made Dustin take this picture of me lying on the table. It was just before we left the room so I was feeling better. He's like "What? Why?" and I'm like "FOR THE BLOG!". He rolled his eyes and said "Give me your damn phone". 

What I Wore #67

The day after the Penguins won the Stanley Cup in June I bought this shirt. First of all it's true. He's like one of the best there is. Also, it's hilarious because it's so simple and matter of fact. I never got my other Pens shirt (ahem Dustin) so this is all I have to celebrate this year's win. Also, it fits my gray shirt theme. I have atleast 5-6 gray shirts with various writing and it's all I ever fucking wear on weekends lately. They are comfy, cute and go with everything. I got this skirt right before I went to Texas to visit Erin. You might remember me wearing it during our Waco visit with yet another gray shirt. Its so comfy! Like you could spend all day at a buffet kind of comfy. I like tying the front as seen in the photos below because it's cute and also it helps me now trip. I'm clumsy enough as it is. I certainly don't need any help. 

Shirt: Steel City

Skirt: Target

Oh and I'm in super good company. Hello Alcide, I mean, Joe.

Source

Working on my Fitness: Week One

Food:

I have eaten two scrambled eggs (with a sprinkle of salt) with a glass of water EVERY single morning this week. I like eggs but I prefer a sweet breakfast of oatmeal or cereal or muffins or bagels. You know, all the shit that is bad for you. But like a zombie I shuffled into the kitchen each morning and made those damn eggs.

For lunch and dinner I ate nothing but chicken and vegetables and turkey wraps. Sometimes I used tortillas with my turkey wrap but never any sauce. Just a dry ass turkey wrap which really isn't too bad surprisingly.

I was consistent with my snacks. For my morning snack I had an apple every single day. And for my afternoon snack I would have either some almonds OR low-fat yogurt.

I totally killed my water intake. From Monday to Friday I drank NOTHING BUT water and exceeded my goal of 80oz a day. I peed so much this week it wasn't even funny. I got up in the middle of the night several times to relieve myself. So that's kind of the downfall of all the water.

Not having anything sweet was HARD. Like really hard. But I stayed strong. I didn't stop for coffee or donuts at Dunkin Donuts on my way to work. I didn't eat chocolate at work. (We always have a chocolate stash that we share and I didn't even open the drawer to peer inside and look longingly at them.) I did, however, eat two slices of Dave's Killer Wheat bread with peanut butter on it. That was my compromise. I still feel guilty about it which I know is stupid. Sweets are my kryptonite and overall I did really fucking well.

The highlight of my week food-wise was obviously my cheat meal. I decided on 4 Rivers  BBQ wherein I ate a half of a pulled pork sandwich, sweet potatoes, and mac-n-cheese Oh and a Coke! OH-MY-GAWD. It was the best. I ate slow and enjoyed every single bite. I also ate a creamsicle bundt cake from their sweet shop for dessert. One cheat meal one cheat dessert is what my goal is each week.

Also I didn't spend money on food at all (other than the cheat meal obviously). No lunches out (which I hate). I usually treat myself to a lunch out every Friday and when we haven't been to the grocery store in awhile even more. But this week I stayed put and saved money which I'm super pumped about.

Work outs:

I fucking crushed it this week. My goal was to work out 5/7 days and I ended the week having worked out 6/7 days. Not only did I go a lot but I really pushed myself. I've been doing 45 minute workouts. I spend 20 minutes on the elliptical and the rest of the time is weights, machines, and floor. Some days I focus more on arms and others more on legs but every day I do cardio and core/ab exercises. I have no idea if this is what I'm "supposed" to be doing but so far it's working for me.

Not only did I push myself with longer workouts but I've started to branch out and try new equipment. I'm mostly confident when I walk into Planet Fitness. I know the staff, I know the machines, I know where everything is located and it's comfortable. But some equipment still intimidates me. I don't know what it's called but the machines that have 4 different weight exercises. Fiddy? Ariel? Anyway I have started the rowing one and the one that you have to stand grab the bars and sit down in order to perform the exercise. Now I really love both of them. My shoulders and arms are super sore as I type this so they certainly did something!

I also like doing mini-workouts right when I get up. Nothing crazy just jumping jacks or jump rope (without the actual rope). Something that just kind of gets my blood moving and helps wake me up a bit. I only did it 3 days this week but it's better than none at all. Maybe next week I'll try to do at least 4 days.

Weight:

I weight myself about every other day first thing in the morning. I also like to weigh myself completely naked. I know socks and sweatpants add like 15 lbs. I don't need that! Ha.

Each time I weighed myself this week the number kept going down. I was like HOLY SHIT this actually might be working. Then yesterday I weighed myself and almost cried. I was down to 170.4 which means I had lost 3.8 lbs. Now I'm not naive enough to think that some of this isn't water weight or just taking a shit. I'm sure that's part of it but I don't care. I'm down from where I started and I want to keep the momentum. If I can lose 2-3 lbs each week then I'll be able to make my goal in no time. There's no motivation like seeing results. That is honestly the ONLY thing that has helped keep me on track.

Support: 

Dustin has been amazing. He's been encouraging me every day. He even cooked my chicken for me while I was at the gym one day so when I got home I could just eat.

There was one night after dinner where he mentioned wanting ice-cream and I gave him that look like omg-yes-let's-go-right-this-very-second. Then he apologized and talked me out of going. He had reminded me of how well I had been doing and he didn't want to be the reason I veered off track. I wasn't happy but I knew he was right. I didn't need that ice cream but my god do I still want it. Just having that support, that back up to keep me in check is very helpful.

                               

Solar Eclipse of the Heart

I didn't know much about the Eclipse until the nice guy who works at the Post Office told me about the cool Eclipse stamps a month ago. I bought said stamps. Then when I met up with everyone for Marie's birthday lunch my Aunt Sarah gave me two Eclipse glasses. Oh excuse me - SPECTACLES. So I then thought to myself "Ok this is going to be cool!". Then last week all I heard (and saw on FB) were people trying their damnedest to get their own glasses. Apparently that shit sold out really fast everywhere. Dustin and I were super lucky to have a lovely relative of ours just give us a couple. 

Monday came and it's all anyone could talk about. Either you were VERY into it or you couldn't care less. I don't understand the non-carers of the U.S. This hasn't happened since 1918 so yeah kind of a big deal. 

New York Times in 1932 discusses today's eclipse: pic.twitter.com/pHJYOod2Oq

— Michael Beschloss (@BeschlossDC) August 21, 2017

We watched the coverage here and there at work throughout the day to help us countdown to 2:51pm which is when our little part of the United States would get to enjoy it. Finally the time came and I dropped everything, grabbed my little paper glasses, and bolted outside along with a lot of other people. No one had glasses so I was more than happy to share. But then Ed came outside and started passing out a bunch that he had been hoarding. So I took mine back and kept looking up at the sky for a solid few minutes. I honestly don't know what I was expecting but what I saw was not it. It was just so incredible. None of the amatuer photos do it justice and if you didn't get to see it I hope you're still around to catch the next one because you really missed something special. 

Enjoyed watching #Eclipse2017. A great reminder that all darkness is temporary. pic.twitter.com/NlK5wTaCtr

— Madeleine Albright (@madeleine) August 21, 2017

Marie's Birthday

A couple weeks ago I left work early and met the gang at The Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Marie's birthday. My aunt drove down from Gainesville and picked up Marie and my mom. Shirley met us there as well. I was going to try and FaceTime Hayley but she had forgotten her phone. Bummer!

Earlier that morning I went to Publix and bought some sunflowers for Marie. I even arranged them myself. Everyone at work kept asking me what the special occasion was thinking I had received them. I proudly told them "Nope, these are for Marie!". I was pumped to give them to her and thrilled when she lit up upon seeing them on the table. She was so cute because when I asked Shirley to take our photo Marie insisted on having the sunflowers in the shot. 

It was so nice getting to enjoy a meal with all of these lovely ladies. I love hearing all the old stories from my mom and aunt's childhood and my own. One in particular stands out because it's so funny. 

Marie used to babysit me all of the time so I would typically just end up staying the night at her house if my mom had plans. She told us all how I would tell her at 4ish years old "Ok, I'm ready for bed". I'd also told her I didn't need help bathing. I was a very independent 4 year old. But the funniest part is when I came over one time and her cat (RIP Pookie) ran away from me. She told us at lunch that I walked my little self up to Pookie and said "Now Pookie don't you run away from me. You know who I am!". I mean, I wasn't wrong. Pookie better calm down so I can pet him. If only Pookie could see the cat lady I've become. 

The lunch went by so fast and before we all knew it we were ordering cheesecakes to go and saying our goodbyes. I'm so glad I got to spend a couple hours with everyone. 

My mom posted the photos below on Facebook in celebration of Marie's birthday. The baby in yellow is me (don't I look like a frog?), Hayley is the one getting bottle fed, and Leah is the little blonde baby. The last photo of Marie is one of my all time favorites. She just looks so content. 

Vanbarry's Public House

PART ONE

Last week Chasity and Jessica got some of the two biggest homebodies (here's pointing to myself and Antonia) to go out on a week night. Ed was enjoying his bachelor party in the form of a concert at Amway so the girls thought it would be a good idea to take Antonia out so she wasn't just twiddling her fingers at home. Ha! It was Jessica's idea to go to Vanbarry's. I had never even heard of the place but I was game! 

I followed her and Antonia straight from work. We took 417, 408, and I-4 and hit ZERO traffic. I know that is just super boring information but the fact that we drove for 30 minutes in Orlando at 5pm and didn't have to go brake crazy is something to document. We got a table and settled in with a fresh jar of their delicious pickles. Chasity arrived not too long after and the four of us could really get this party started.

First of all Vanbarry's is cute as hell. They have a covered outdoor space out front which I'm sure is wonderful from December - March. They have a giant swan outside (more on that later) along with a giant Connect Four game. Inside was just as snazzy. They have TVs everywhere so it's a great place to catch a game. I think it might have been some kind of old auto establishment since they have the big roll up doors still in place. There's a lot going on but it all marries very well. 

We started with some chips and queso per Jessica's suggestion and OH MY GOD was it delicious. We were all kind of bummed when we started to see the bottom of the bowl. But we still had our main dish to look forward to. I ordered there 'Going Back to Cali' aka a turkey sandwich with bacon, sprouts, tomato, and cream fucking cheese. It was everything. Also I got it with french fries which were fantastic and I'm very picky about my fries. Antonia and Chasity both got the boneless braised short rib bowl which I'm pretty sure I will be trying next time I go. It came with a giant onion ring on top. Um, yes please. Jessica got one of their fancy taco selections. We were in food heaven. 

It was so nice to get together with these girls outside of work. I am making it my mission in life to make sure it's a regular thing. I'll even go on another week day - THAT's how much fun I had. 

As we were leaving I asked if we could all take a photo inside of the giant swan. They are all super sweet and totally obliged. I asked a random waiter to take the photos. He took a bunch and 99% of them were blurry and or one of us were moving but then there was the one where we all shined! Ha! Seriously, I was like YAS! 

Let's swan it up again ladies!

 

PART TWO

When I came home from my girls nights I told Dustin how much he'd like Vanbarry's. He started looking at the menu and was like "Let's go this weekend!". So Saturday morning we picked up Pat on our way to Disney Springs. VIP Thrice tickets were going on sale at 10am at the box office. The only way you could purchase these fancy ass tickets was over the phone OR in person. We opted to pay in person because the whole credit-card-over-the-phone kind of freaks us all out. So we arrived at 9:50 and waited 10 minutes for the box office to open. We were then able to purchase three SEATS. They are of course more than the regular tickets but being able to sit down at HOB is worth every penny. I've been to probably 20 shows at HOB and every time I've been since I was 16 I've always had to stand. You stand and wait for the opening band. Then you keep standing while they break down the instruments and set up the new ones. And on and on until you leave feeling like you're 95. Well now that we ARE 95 it was time to get some goddamn seats. We basically skipped out of Disney Springs because we felt so bad ass. I mean, we don't have to wait in line or "find a good spot" or worry about some doofus blocking our view.

It was way too fucking hot to stay in Disney Springs for any longer than we had to so we got the hell out of there and were on our way to Vanbarry's. EXCEPT I missed the first I-4 turn. (The construction is confusing OK! Get off my back.) Then once we made it on I-4 we got stuck in some gnarly fucking traffic. We saw smoke ahead but I didn't think that smoke was coming from I-4. Oh how wrong I was. After inching along for 30 minutes we finally got to see what the hell was going on. Somehow the front part of a semi was smoking and I don't mean smoking out of the engine. Half of the front cab had melted. MELTED. So crazy!

We made it to Vanbarry's before noon and it was completely dead which was fantastic. We opted for a booth. I noticed the wall of board games from my new perspective and thought it was the coolest. Next time I go, with whomever, we need to jump on that board game wagon. Pat and I ate the pickles. I, too, made everyone try the queso appetizer and the boys were immediately hooked. 

Dustin got a their buffalo chicken sandwich and then proceeded to tell me later it was "the best buffalo chicken sandwich" he'd ever had. When Dustin compliments your food it counts double because he's Mr. Picky. I was so pumped he and Pat liked it too. It was a perfect little early lunch.

So I hit up this damn place twice in 3 days which should be endorsement enough. It's on the south side of downtown so it's a bit out of the way but some things are worth the drive. 

 

A Heavy Subject

I don't know how many times I've written about my weight over the course of this blog but I'm hoping this time is different. Well, I already know this time is different because I'm about to do something that scares the shit out of me in hopes it not only motivates myself in my goal but helps my friends and family to not be so harsh on their own bodies.

I was always a healthy, normal size as a kid except for my 3rd-4th grade years when I went through a chunky stage. But I grew out of it , quite literally, as I got taller.

 

I've never been the "skinny girl" in the group. My body is not built like that. Growing up I was taller than all of my friends. Not only that but we wore drastically different sizes of clothing. Also I started growing boobs in 4th grade. I felt very much like an outsider body-wise with my friends in elementary and especially middle school.

 

In high school I finally started to become comfortable with all I was working with. I was at a healthy weight and my boobs were fully formed. I remember the first few weeks of my freshman year getting mistaken for a senior several times. This was of course flattering to me.

After high school I put on some weight as many do. It was just that new found freedom of going out with friends for breakfast and lunch and dinner. Ha! It was late night parties in friend's apartments that had all kinds of snacks. Also I was going to college full time and working part-time so many of my meals were grabbed on the go. So it goes.

A few months before my 20th birthday I met Dustin. We fell in love instantly which sparked Walmart runs at 2 AM for Ben & Jerry's. We went out to nice dinners almost every weekend I came to visit him in Palm Coast. We were young, in love, and enjoying every bit of it including eating whatever the hell we wanted. As you can guess I put on more weight that first year or so we were together.

When we lived in Palm Coast in our early twenties I weighed 160 which is a good 20-30 lbs overweight for me. Once we moved in together we he cooked a lot more but the weight was still there. I remember having a bicycle machine in our third bedroom that I attempted to lose weight with. I didn't and it ended up collecting dust and eventually it was tossed by the road.

Then in October of 2009 I had a gum graft surgery which, in the end, was worth it but during was pure hell. Due to my bottom gums receding which is not only painful but bad for your teeth because it exposes the root my oral surgeon took gum from the roof of my mouth and grafted it at the site of the 4 receding teeth. As you could imagine I could barely eat. I had stitches on the roof of my mouth and the bottom. I was miserable. It took about a month to really feel like myself again and in that time I lost 20 pounds which was kind of a blessing in disguise because we got married that March.

 

I stayed at that ideal 140-145 for years. Once we moved back to Orlando in 2011 I got a membership at Planet Fitness. I also would go to yoga with Erin on a regular basis. It was fairly easy to maintain because I was now in a place that made it easier to be active.

Fast forward to December 2015 when I started to have severe anxiety attacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night with them and even started to pass out from them on occasion. My doctor prescribed anti-depressant/anxiety medication and within a week or two I was feeling like a normal person. My whole life i kind of turned my nose up at that kind of thing. "Well, I can manage my anxiety without meds just fine." HA! It was a huge humbling learning experience that's for sure. My doctor has asked me every time I see him if I would like to try and go off the meds. He has said some people need them for a lifetime and others temporarily to get them through. Of course I don't want to have to take a pill each day but it's much better than feeling like you're going to die or having to pull your car over because you might pass out. So visit after visit I told him I would like to stay on them. Apparently it is well known that these types of meds can contribute to weight gain. I didn't realize that and slowly I put on the pounds. It was so slow that it almost felt like it happened overnight. But once it happened I noticed it in a big way. NO pun intended. I couldn't button some of my favorite shirts anymore. It was a struggle to pull up my pants and so much for some that I no longer try because it'll just end in tears when I admit they just don't fit anymore. I noticed my boobs spilling out of my bra. So during my last visit to see my doctor in May I asked him about what we could do med-wise. He suggested I start cutting the pills in half; going from 10 mg to 5 mg. Obviously this wasn't going to fix the problem but he said it would help me from gaining any more weight. I was nervous to what that would mean for my anxiety. Overall I'm still doing ok. There have definitely been more minor episodes of "break-through" anxiety but it has been manageable.

I'm not blaming this weight gain 100% on the anti-anxiety meds although I think they are a huge factor. I'm a girl who loves to eat. I love to eat good food not good-for-you food. Dustin and I don't have kids which means we are able to go out to eat more than most which is great and also not so great. So yeah, my meds needed tweaking but so does my diet.

I recently went in for my annual gynecologist appointment. While there I asked if the nexplanon implant that I was planning on getting would cause weight gain. My doctor said that is is very uncommon to gain weight while using the nexplanon birth control method. I was so relieved and I'm sure she could tell. She looked at my chart and said she had noticed a jump in my weight within the past year. She didn't make me feel ashamed or bad. She just said it in a helpful way. She suggested I start with smaller portion sizes and see if that helps. I'm going to go beyond the portion size suggestion. I want to limit my sugar intake considerably which is honestly the toughest for a girl like me who has the biggest sweet tooth. I always always want something sweet after dinner but I'm going to try my hardest to not partake in dessert. I'm also going to try and limit my carbs as much as possible and focus on protein. I'm a big water drinker in general but I want to up my water intake even more and while doing so cut out all other drinks. The only time I really want a soda is if I go out to eat so my plan is to not go out much at all. I'm toying with the cheat meal idea on Saturdays but I'm not sure because it's easy to turn cheat meals into cheat days and then cheat weekends and bam you're off the fucking wagon. I'm not going into this unrealistically. I know I'm going to stumble along the way. I know I will be disappointed in myself with certain decisions I'll certainly make. But at the same time I'm really hoping I can change some things in my life that will help in my weight loss. I'm never going to be able to cut everything "good" out of my diet because that's just miserable and I refuse to be miserable with my one and only life. I don't need ice-cream EVERY night. But once a week? Sure. That's reasonable. Yes, my goal is to lose weight - 30 lbs to be exact. But more than anything I want to just love my body again. If I can lose the weight in the process than that to me is the bonus. I'm so tired of being at war with my body. I'm so sick of tearing myself down. I'm over it all.

So to keep myself accountable I plan on blogging once a week about my progress (or possibly lack of progress). I feel like this will help me make better decisions and in turn help me reach my weight loss goal and love my body once more. But I also realize I could totally fail at this. I'm just forcing myself not to focus on that.

I see before and after photos and I'm always like "Damn! That person looks great. They worked so hard. Good for them." I never see just plain old 'before' photos. But that's what I'm going to post below. This is how I look right here right now.

No sucking in.
No clothing tricks.
No photoshop.
Just my body as I see it every single day.

Weight 174.2
Bust      40
Waist    34
Hips     42
Thighs  34
Arms    12.5