What I Wore #87

I had been dying to bust out me new yet old school looking Disney shirt but didn't feel like wearing my typical jeans. So I threw on this skirt and these sandals and VOILA! I felt pretty damn cute! 

Shirt: Disney Store @ Disney Springs

Skirt: Old Navy

Shoes: Target

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9/9/19
Is there anything better than being an icy cool room, under goofy blankets, with a salt lamp glowing in the corner, while you eat ice cream after the longest day of your entire life?! No.

9/20/19
I just had to google "kombucha" after hearing about it for years. I never knew what it actually was. It's fucking tea. No wonder I never had any interest. Fun fact: my grandma used to get annoyed at the fact I didn't like tea. I can still hear her heavy sighs. And that's the tea.

9/22/19
Started on my hands, then breasts, and now my foot. 2019: year of the Eczema.

9/23/19
The amount of shit I lug into the office every day is just obnoxious (water tumbler, purse ,gym bag, and some days I add my laptop backpack). I need a wagon or octopus tentacles to carry it all.

Who needs a weather report when you can tell the level of humidity by how much or little your front door sticks when you open it?

9/25/19
Spilling water directly down your cleavage is the same as 2 cups of coffee. Scientific fact.

10/6/19
Is there anything more Florida than being a total grump because your tits have sweat so much they slid down to your knees but then you walk into an ice cold Publix and you instantly feel so alive you could skip?

10/8/19
It doesn't feel like October at all. Of course it physically doesn't because FL is a swampy armpit but also it just doesn't for some reason.

10/9/19
At what point in a woman's life does she decide she is no longer going to flush when using a public toilet? Because there are a lot of you ladies that just don't and I am truly puzzled.

10/13/19
Just looking at JoJo Siwa gives me a headache.

10/15/19
Why would I try to downscale me purse when I know damn well I am not a small purse kind of gal? I need to be able to carry my keys, wallet, kindle, lotion, sanitizer, pepper spray, mints, Swiss Army Knife, lipstick, meds, and glasses wipes. AND THOSE ARE JUST THE NECESSITIES.

10/26/19
Just experienced Bucees for the first time and it's true what they say - everything is bigger in Texas. #thewalmartofgasstations

why would i go out and spend $15 at a haunted house just to feel terror when i could stay home and swallow a large vitamin at a 45 degree angle for free

— miel (@miel) October 29, 2019

10/29/19
I show my cat tattoos to strangers like my mom used to whip out her wallet photos in the 90s.

Me: Can you come kill this spider?
Dustin: Got it! It was just a daddy long legs .
Me: Now he's a dead-y long legs.

every office meeting in 2019 starts like this pic.twitter.com/rs0qeZulC5

— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) October 30, 2019

10/31/19
The photos for back to school day are really boring. Sorry but I just don't care about kids in front of classroom doors all holding the same signs. BUT I LIVE FOR HALLOWEEN PHOTOS OF YOUR KIDS. So I'm not a totally horrible person.

11/1/19
You know what's truly scary (not some ghoul or goblin) and is a year long event? A long hair fallen from your head on your arm that you can't find but it lets you know it's still there by mimicking a spider.

Olive came running around the corner as soon as she heard me open the door like she was Baby and I was Swayze! If only she'd let me lift her above my head!

NO SHAVE NOVEMBER!!!!! pic.twitter.com/pTIbGahVST

— eibot (@TobieTobieTobie) November 1, 2019

11/4/19
Can you use your sick time for a massive nostril zit? Asking for me and my new roommate.

you're telling me that when i email people they are gonna email me back again and then i have to answer THAT email, too? what the fuck

— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 12, 2019

11/13/19
A co-worker complimented my outfit and I responded "Thank you so much! I really blossom in cold weather!"

11/15/19
The most surprising thing about 2019 is that I became a fan of Spencer Pratt.

11/16/19
I want to be a beauty YouTuber just so I can get facials once a week midday on a Tuesday.

holy fucking shit pic.twitter.com/xZjghhtl5D

— bloe (@horrorflicked) November 15, 2019

11/17/19
2019 is the year everything broke so now I am too.

11/28/19
The real 10 year challenge is between the Panko crumbs my aunt had from 2009 in the pantry and the ones my cousin thankfully bought as a replacement.

11/30/19
After a night out I just rolled through a Dunkin like I was on my way to a Walmartians convention.

12/3/19
Guess who forgot they had a hole in their pocket and put a tampon in it on the way to the bathroom and it proceeded to slide out the bottom of her pants?

1/3/20
I had a dream I met Monica Lewinsky in the airport and we were laughing too hard to get a good selfie. Also she was traveling with a hamster. It was lovely!

1/8/20
As I'm laying on my yoga mat this morning Cheeto jumped from the chair over my body Free Willy style. Bud is 24 lbs. I've never been more scared.

1/24/20
January is full. No more births during this month please and thank you.

1/26/20
I love when someone who knows me doesn't REALLY know me asked when I'm having kids and someone else answers for me "She's not!! She has two cats!". Thank you. You've been paying attention.

Salyers Soirees

At the beginning of the month we celebrated Kayla and her baby Jaina (who has since been welcomed into the world). Phoebe did an amazing job putting together this baby shower at her home - from the sunflower decor to the game "Beer Belly or Baby Belly?" which was harder than you'd think. Ha!! It was nice seeing a lot of my lady relatives. It was a very rainy day and just getting to their property was a chore. I had to straddle the puddles on the dirt road. Then I had to park on a particular part of their yard so I didn't get stuck. Leaving was just as hard. Thankfully Bill guided me out without issue and promised he and Wyatt would come get me if I ended up getting stuck. Thankfully I made it out just fine. Me and my car are city folk. Clearly. 

This past weekend was my cousin Bill aka "Little Bill's" birthday. Phoebe put together a surprise party for him at a country club. I was worried I'd miss the actual surprise part of the evening since I was celebrating Alyssa's birth the same night. But I was able to share some pretzels and conquistador aka Adam Driver laughs with Alyssa and then race over to scream "SURPRISE!" to my cousin since their dinner ran later than expected. 

He was so cute and seemed so genuinely shocked and happy that we had all gathered to celebrate him. There was food and a Photo Booth area and dancing. I got down to the Macarena because DUH. It was such a good time and I'm glad I got to go. Happy 50th cuz!

The Kitty Beautiful: Cats Against Humanity Night

A couple weeks ago Alyssa, Nicole, and I met for dinner at the Ace Cafe and then walked down the block to The Kitty Beautiful which is a new cat cafe in downtown Orlando. There has been one for a few years in Clermont but it's a bit of a drive so I had never been. I'm so excited there is a closer option now!

They have drink and food options hence the cafe portion and then the back room is full of all the keeties! We were there for Cats Against Humanity so we paid our $10 fee and we had a good 15 minutes or so to just play with the cats. Then we broke into a few groups and played the game with cats swarming all around. It was a literal dream come true. Bubba (the one in the middle of the game on the table) was a favorite of the night. I hope he's found a home by now because he's a treasure! Alyssa kept kicking ass; so much so that we all wondered if she had rigged the game. Ha! Just kidding. Kind of. It was a fun time with some very inappropriate humor and the cutest of felines. 

As we were leaving one of the employees told us the story of Lemonade. Apparently this particular cat kept to himself. He had no interest in humans or other cats. The cafe even warned everyone who went in to play with the cats to not touch Lemonade unless he came to them. Some didn't listen and left with some scratches.  He hung out on this particular perch all of the time until one day a guy came in and Lemonade immediately hopped down and walked over to him. Not only that but he plopped on the ground and showed him his belly. Lemonade had found his human! But the human wasn't convinced so he left and came back again the next day and Lemonade was just as smitten with him and now he was too. He left with Lemonade and even sent updates of Lemonade enjoying life in his new home. I cried when she told us this story. Animals are everything and when they pick you you better snatch them up and love them forever. 

 

Dustin Says

The Backstreet Boys are still together? Shouldn't they be called Geriatric Gentlemen now?

Trump looks like Olive's vomit - orange, gross, with a few hairs.

Me: Mandy Moore is coming out with a new album!
Dustin: What is it called? "Moore" songs?

Dustin: You know what I've learned from watching this (Our Planet on Netflix)?
Me: What?
Dustin: Animals are way better parents than most humans.

Pat: It's a show but for talents...
Dustin: You mean a talent show?

What I Wore #86

“Hi” said while barely looking up.

“Hello!” said with genuine friendliness. 

“How are you?” said tiredly.

I had been in and out of several stores at this point. I’d heard all the greetings upon entering. I was over it. Each time my eyes darted immediately to the “Dresses” sign in each one and I reluctantly started to flip through them. I grabbed anything remotely cute but nothing screamed THIS IS THE ONE. Each time I tried it on all while trying not to catch a glimpse of my pale, naked, dimpled body in the walls of mirrors. I’d hold my breath as each dress went over my hips and again over my boobs. It was somewhat of a win if the piece made it over both. The minute I struggled with one or the other I ripped it off my body and threw it on the floor. If it fit I looked at myself for a minute before snapping a photo and sending it to friends for feedback. This song and dance went on for two days. None of the dresses were quite right. I ended up buying a black dress and returning it the following day. Finally after struggling with my body and mind I ended up with the green wrap dress below. It was a little more cleavey than I was used to but had a classy yet sexy vibe. I loved the sleeves because they remind me of many dresses I see Kate Middleton in and also because I don’t like showing my arms off at the moment. I was still incredibly self conscience in it but I had to get on with the night and give my all to the work event I wore it to. 

I hope someday I’m at peace with my body and feel confident in the clothing I wear but I’m not there yet. Not there by a long shot. 

Dress: H&M

Shoes: Target

Necklace: H&M

Earrings: Rekindled 

Found

How To Stop Freaking Out and Tackle Climate Change

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. This is an old article but I was introduced to it via Life Is Short podcast thanks to Ginnifer Goodwin and it really is beautiful especially for someone like me who is strictly science with no interest in spiritual nonsense or religious beliefs. Science comforts me because it's proven to be real.

Study Shows Women Have Happier Relationships When Their Partners Aren't Massive Douchebags

Sex Education season two trailer! Can't wait to binge this!

Explaining White Privilege To A Broke White Person

9 Reasons You Should Think Hard Before Having a Baby This Year

State Senator Joe Gruters files bill to ban smoking on Florida's public beaches. HERE FOR IT.

This commercial tho. Ha!

Artist Inserts People From Classical Paintings Into Today's World

17 Stories of People Meeting Tom Hanks In Real Life. I would fangirl forever.

Bazooka! The 35 lb cat!

Another childfree article. Can't stop won't stop posting these.
"A woman who tells you she doesn’t want kids has likely done some soul searching. She’s not making a daft, ill-considered decision; or a mistake she’ll later regret — or hey, if she is, that will be her problem to face. She’s not selfish, and she doesn’t need you to pull back the maternal curtain and show her what she’s missing. Ask her questions, if you must. Or better yet: Don’t."

Recently

Looking forward to: My hysterectomy at the end of the month. That's right, I'm getting a hysterectomy and I'm happy about it! I've been going to the doctors for months and they confirmed I have several fibroids wreaking havoc in my uterus yet again (I had a giant one surgically removed when I was 15). They gave me some options and I, without hesitation, chose to have the hysterectomy because it means no more fibroids ever AND permanent birth control which is my literal dream. My pre-op appointment is this week which is honestly the scariest part because there will be a blood draw and everyone knows how well I handle those fuckers. I've just got to push through! I'll write about the whole process more in depth after the fact but I'm so pumped about this I wanted to scream it from the roof tops aka share it on my blog.

Working on: Myself! My body to be exact. How many times have I mentioned that over the past 4 years? Way too many. An embarrassingly amount. I want this time to be different. I have worked out every single day from 1/2/20 - 1/13/20 and will continue to do so up until my surgery. I've also been doing 16:8 fasting everyday. My meals are keto(ish)/low carb. I've cut sugar tremendously but I have had regular ketchup a couple times but that's really it. I've drank nothing but water this entire time too. I miss iced coffee and soda but I want this more than I miss those things so I trudge on. I just ate dinner as I type this and my stomach is still growling. That's just the reality. A lot of times meals are plenty but don't fill me the way a carby dinner would. I've lost 9.2 lbs in 12 days which I'm sure a huge chunk is water weight but it is all of the holiday weight I gained so I'm happy to have it gone. I still have 30 lbs to go and plan to stick to a similar meal plan throughout my recovery even though I won't be able to workout for probably 6 weeks. I've already turned down cupcakes, donuts, pancakes, M&Ms, etc. It's HARD but I've done it and I will continue to do it.

Listening to:

All the Halsey! I was a casual Halsey fan for the last couple years but the last year I really stepped up my fan-girling and I'm ALL IN. I even pre-ordered the vinyl copy of her new album. Every new song she puts out I just want to throw my fist in the air and scream "YES"! Also her newest video is sexy as hell and is a total nod to Shania and if that doesn't warm your heart than I can't help you.

Since I haven't done one of my Recently posts in awhile I have a lot of Podcasts to catch you up on!

1. The TryPod - For fans of The Try Guys. These four lovable lads used to work for Buzzfeed making videos but now they are on their own still making videos. They started a podcast last year and I love listening them debate random shit like The Lion King (Ned had just recently seen the original. SAY WHAT.) to talking about their personal lives. It's a blast of a show. 

2. The Heir Pod - For fans of the British royals. This just started airing towards the end of last year and I JUST caught up on all of the episodes a week ago. It is hosted by Omid (ABC News Royal Contributor) and mostly a podcast based on facts with little opinion but still done in a way that is very informative and entertaining. 

3. P.S. You're Wrong - For all of you entertainment junkies. This Podcast is hosted by Matt and Shelby (also of Swiftish) and they discuss pop culture and do separate episodes of full movie reviews. The one on CATS is a riot. 

4. Sibling Revelry - For Hudson lovers. Kate and Oliver are the cutest siblings ever! I love their banter and personal stories but the whole point of the podcast is they interview siblings. My favorite siblings so far are The Property Brothers and Chelsea and Shoshanna Handler.

5. Modern Love - For hopeless romantics. I am SO late to the party with this one. Apparently this podcast has been a hit for awhile but I was just introduced to it after watching the TV series (Amazon Prime) which is based on some of those same stories. I'm still making my way through all of the episodes of the podcast. Each one is written by a real person (usually a professional writer) and read outlaid for us to listen to by a celebrity. Each story has some element of love even if not always a romantic type of love. They are all fascinating and beautiful. Watch the show. Listen to the Podcast!

6. Office Ladies - For Office fans. Obvs. Jenna and Angela are rewatching the entire series and giving all of us Office freaks inside scoop and trivia. They even have special guests like co-stars and people who worked behind the scenes. Each podcast episode is dedicated to one episode from the Office. I will admit that some of the episodes are a little forced and awkward but I still have been enjoying them. I'm hoping they loosen up as time goes on. 

7. Never Thought I'd Say This - Supposedly for parents but I fucking love it. Honestly one of my favorite newish (been out for about 6 months) podcast I listen to on a regular basis. Jodie Sweetin (aka Stephanie Tanner of Full House) and her BFF Cecilia talk parenthood. Like the graphic, cringe-worthy, expletive parts of parenthood and each episode I am dying laughing. Also thankful I'm childfree. Ha! But they are the sweetest and I want to squeeze my way into the middle of their friendship because they are so hilarious. 

8. Dolly Parton's America - For Dolly lovers. A nine episode series doing a deep dive into all things Dolly. It covers her career, her childhood, her theme park, her views - all of it. I grew up on watching 9 to 5 with my mom and hearing some of her songs here and there. So I'd call myself a casual Dolly fan but I really enjoyed this podcast. I learned so much about her even though I'm still heartbroken she says she's not a feminist. 

9. Swiftish - For Taylor Swift fans. - I can't remember if I've mentioned this one before in one of my Taylor specific posts but just in case I haven't here we go! Shelby and Ashley talk all things Taylor from breaking down songs line by line to the latest rumors. It is a blast but only for Swifties. Haters need not listen. 

Holidaze: Welcome to the Shitshow

In recent years we've all done our own thing for Thanksgiving but still all come together for Christmas. This year Hayley and Stephen were able to be in Florida for Thanksgiving but not Christmas. Dustin and I didn't want to miss out on a visit with them so we switched things up and Thanksgiving became Thanksmas.

But then Hayley was able to make it down last minute and everyone celebrated Christmas in Gainesville per usual. Since Christmas was smack dab in the middle of the week and I couldn't take any time off (got to save that PTO) Dustin and I decided to just stick with our original plan of having Christmas by ourselves. We've had probably a handful of holidays where it's just us two, just our little family, and I have to say I do enjoy it. I did miss spending Christmas in Gainesville but I'm happy that my FOMO was less prominent than usual and didn't push me into pushing myself too far physically and emotionally. Sometimes self care is just doing nothing and being ok with that nothing.

Dustin and I got up early and made orange rolls (aka cinnamon rolls but with orange topping). We watched the Disney parade and made fun of all the hosts. We watched movies and by early afternoon we feasted hard on artichoke dip and ham and cheese sliders on Hawaiian rolls. It didn't feel like Christmas but it was still a really nice stress-free day off.

I Facetimed with the rest of the Shitshow and it was hilarious as always.

Backstory: Last year I gave my aunt a tea towel for the kitchen that says "Welcome To The Shitshow" so now we all lovingly call our family that. I mean, it is pretty damn fitting. 

 

The Friday after Christmas I met up with the Shitshow for a quick little lunch at the ol' Cheesecake Factory. My aunt Sarah had brought Hayley down for her flight out of MCO and my mom brought Marie to join us. I thankfully was allowed to take a long lunch from work and there we were. We all gathered and discussed an array of topics from Bumby being closed and the chaos that came with it to all the family secrets. Marie sipped on her Pina Colada and my mom flung butter across the table and it was all great. It was nice to spend time with everyone even for just a quick while.  But I still feel bad for our poor waitress. GOOD LAWD.