Dustin Says

The Scholastic Book Fair was the shit...and just as mobile as my house. 

Me: I have my appointment tonight. 
Dustin: With your old therapist?
Me: Yeah, but it's virtual. 

Dustin: Like Jamiriqui - you're virtually insane!

Talking about fossilized poop...

Imagine you've taken a shit that stood the test of time. 

Me: You've got a buffalo butt. 

Dustin: Well you have a buffalo head. 

Me: You really should use the moisturizer I got you. 

Dustin: I'm naturally greasy like a cheese pizza. 

In my car...

Me: You can put on your music. 

Dustin: Nah, actually this song is exactly how I feel. 

turns Linkin Park up louder...

I TRIED SO HARD 

AND GOT SO FAR

BUT IN THE END 

IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER

Vin Diesel should only be driving cars with diesel engines. More like Vin Unleaded.