Keep Moving Forward

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Hi guys! I'm back after my break or "blogcation" or whatever you want to call it. It's been really weird not blogging this past month. Something would happen and I'd immediately start writing a blog post for it in my head. And then I'd think to myself "Oh yeah...nevermind." I needed a break. I needed to step away. I needed to focus on other things in my life but I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I keep having these weird moments every year or so when I think that maybe I should stop blogging - for no apparent reason. But I can't stay away. There's just something about it I really enjoy. It's always been like therapy for me to write about my life, about my thoughts, just write whatever I want in my own little corner of the internet. 

It's now a new year and nothing and everything has changed in a matter of weeks. A lot of the shit I was going through at the end of last year has spilled over into this year - as shit does.  But still I feel the freshness of a new year. I have been feeling really depressed in recent months. Abunch of things just hit me at once. And for an already overly sensitive and emotional person like myself, it was hard. I still have hard days. Days where I feel like nothing is right. Overall I feel better though. Time is a wonderful thing. Music helps too. And keeping busy of course.

I also deactivated my Facebook right before the new year. The reason is simple and complicated and just thinking about it kind of gives me a headache. I love that Facebook makes it easy for people to connect. I hate the way Facebook goes about it. I would go on there and see photos of people doing this or that, saying this or that and it would just stress me out. I just think Facebook is horrible for someone like me who takes everything personally and feels so deeply about things that shouldn't matter. Facebook is perfect for people like Dustin, who genuinely don't give a shit. He doesn't get upset or jealous or annoyed over anything posted on Facebook. I wish I were more like him in that regard.  

The first day I deactivated it and deleted the app. from my phone was HARD. OMG I feel almost embarrassed about how many times I tried to go on it out of habit. Holy shit! It was ridiculous. But then as each day went by I thought about it less and less. The urge disappeared just like that. It was refreshing! It was liberating even. And now a month later I realize that I don't NEED it. I feel just as happy (maybe even more so) without it. Sure, I can go on it if I WANT but I don't need to. It doesn't have control over me. I can't let things get under my skin. And although that may seem like an obvious realization for most, it wasn't for me.  

One of the coolest things about not having a Facebook were the few people who reached out to me in other ways via Twitter (yeah NOT anywhere close to being like Facebook), Instagram and email. It felt good to know that if people wanted to contact me they would find a way to do so and not just rely on silly little Facebook. 

With all of that being said, I am now reluctantly back on Facebook but it feels different. Better somehow. Since my little break with it, I don't have the urge to go on nearly as often and I'm trying not to care as much.  It's nice to just step away once in awhile. I never understood when I heard about people needing to "unplug" but now I get it to an extent. 

Since I wasn't blogging, Facebooking, or hanging with my BFF this past month (she's in Texas now - WAH!), I've had more free time than ever. I read three books. I watched lots of TV and movies. I sewed more than I ever have. I wrote lots of personal, private, LiveJournal posts. I played hours and hours of Sims 3 (thanks to Dustin for fixing my crashing problems). It might not seem all that exciting to the outside but I've been having fun. A simple kind of fun. It's been nice getting to know myself again and rediscovering things that I once loved...and still do. And on those hard days that still come all too often, I dive head first into one of these things that makes me happy. It doesn't solve the problem but it helps me to keep moving forward. That's the most important thing  - keep moving forward. 

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So I never got around to posting my 2013 compilation video because well...I just finished editing it a couple nights ago. So here it is, a month late.