I'm going to start calling you Tom because you're so damn petty.
TV: I lost my virginity last night.
Dustin: I sure hope he finds it.
We were too poor for a swear-jar so we said "Fuck it".
After seeing my swan/orange tattoo for Florida...
I'm going to get a West Virginia tattoo. It's going to have a hypodermic needle, a smoke stack, and a little can of Mountain Dew.
Me: Don't you ever watch my IG stories?
Dustin: No, I don't watch any stories. Stories are for grandmas.
The only royal I like is Lorde.
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