Dustin Says

Erin: Do you wake up hungry?

Dustin: No, I wake up angry.

Sometimes you're kind of imposed and other times you're super-imposed. 

I've never seen my butthole so I couldn't even pick it out of a line up.

Referring to my bright ass nail polish...

Ok safety vest toes!

Me showing Dustin my VERY soft new AE loungewear Snoopy shorts...

I guess a Tweety Bird shirt is next.

The dumber a person the more fertile they are.

Pat: It haunts my nightmares.

Dust: It warms my heart.

Me complaining the toilet is still running...

Dustin: You have to jiggle it!

Me: I AM! I'm basically a jigalow. 

The only thing Jimmy Johns did right is put Danny DeVito in their commercials. 

Me: ...I only have a single piece of lettuce...

Dustin: All the single lettuce (sang to the tune of Beyonce's 'Single Ladies').

I don't do substitutes for Walmart orders. It's nerf or nothing.