Dustin Says

While wearing an all tan outfit...
You look like a Werther's Original.  

I hate that children's toilets aren't attached to plumbing.

You can publish the Dustin Says book and pass it out at my funeral; then everyone will be glad I'm dead.

When you spend your formative years with people you hate, you learn to be a great shit talker.

Me: Did they put Biscuit in any classes?
Dustin: Oh yeah, they signed her up for pottery at the YMCA.

I barely move and break my back. Meanwhile, you're the backbone of this entire house.