glasses & grenades: KT4T

Everyone met up at my place since I live the furthest south and the closest to River Ranch. We exchanged trucker hats in our matching Five Below Darlin' shirts. Angela and I ended up bringing the exact same hat in different colors! Great minds! I even ended up with one.

As we were loading up mine and Allie's cars Katie realized she forgot a key component for this weekend - her Christina Aquilera costume. So she and the other girls rode back to her house with her to grab it, while I stayed home and napped. Once they came back we took off. Traffic was heavy the minute we got on the turnpike but lightened up the closer we got to our destination and the further we got from civilization.

After witnessing some insane drivers; one of which cut both Allie and I off while trying to pass us as the passing lanes was quickly coming to an end and there was oncoming traffic (ya'll need therapy for real), we turned onto the River Ranch property. We got checked in and went straight to grab food since we were all starving. We went to the Smokehouse on the River which was surprisingly really good. Katie and I shared wings and each got a side of mac-n-cheese. Allie and Angela got their chicken sandwich.

Our golf cart was parked outside the Smokehouse and Katie was excited and nervous to get behind the wheel for the first time. She had a little trouble with the reverse sitch but quickly became a Golf Cart Pro as the weekend progressed. She dropped Allie and I off at our cars so we could make our way closer to our room. Katie, Angela, and I grabbed what we could and got to hauling everything, except we couldn't find our room. Ha! The check-in staff drew a big X on the L-shaped building next to the pool and since the room started with a two it was clear we were upstairs. We walked every which way, all while Katie's makeup is dropping like flies all over the balcony. After a stressful 5 min. we finally found our room, cranked the AC down, and started to get situated.

The plan was to visit the Saloon on night one. I helped Katie bring Christina Aguilera's look to life by braiding the clip-in blonde extensions. The rip in my jeans came in so handy! Everyone, except me, changed clothes, touched up makeup and hair, and were ready to go by 10 p.m. (which is like 2 hours past my bedtime but thankfully got in a nap earlier so I could power through!).

The Saloon was right next door so thankfully just a quick walk. It was really empty when we walked into the door. There wasn't a single soul on the dance floor, just a few small groups sprinkled about at tables. The girls went straight to the bar to grab some drinks and then we found a little corner to ourselves. I took photos of Katie in her full Dirrty Christina glory. The DJ was so hit and miss - but mostly miss. He'd play one great song in between three shitty ones no one has ever heard of. Like my dude, get it together. Go take a break, I'll take it from here.

Katie and Angela got their line dancing on while I sat on the sidelines trying to stay awake. A few more people filed inside and one of which was Trump. This dude was in a full suit with MAGA hat and all doing the pathetic little Trump dance. We found out later he is a professional Trump impersonator and was paid to come to someone's event. To quote my lord and savior, Taylor Alison Swift, this is why we can't have nice things. To see someone who resembles that fascist baby so close to me made me feel ill. I mean, it would've been bad enough to see this dingleberry had Kamala won, but the fact that Trump has just started his truly horrific second Presidency made it all the worse. I put my blinders on and tried to enjoy what I could after that. The rest of the girls were drunk dancing until they kicked us out at midnight. Once back in the room, I immediately changed clothes and got ready for bed. We hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements but I just laid my ass down right next to the AC unit and fell out in seconds.

I woke up early next to Angela. Katie was apparently already awake but I hadn't realized it until she texted me asking if I wanted to go into the living room so not to wake up the others. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed all the photos from the night before. Once the others woke up we headed to get breakfast at Temu Starbucks where service was shit, drinks were even more expensive than an actual Starbucks, and they didn't even get your order right! I had never been more content to sip on my morning water. Allie so kindly offered one of her organic gluten-free muffins when I returned to our room. It was real good! Actually, I'm going to need to get that brand name from her again.

We all got dressed and ready for the day. We golf carted over to "town" and went shopping at their cute little General and Western stores. There was a boot that screamed "90's Taco Bell" that really spoke to me. I hadn't noticed at breakfast they had their own cute little post office so when I saw it this time around I was like TAKE MY PICTURE. Then we headed over to the Petting Farm which was cute upon first glance. The donkeys and goats were just roaming around freely even though most of them were sleeping. It was hot as hell already so I don't blame them for being low energy. The animals in the stalls all seemed sad and depressed. As an empath, I felt awful and wanted to leave as quickly as possible. I mean, there were some bright moments like when Katie pointed out my toenail polish matched the chickens or when she thought an emu was an ostrich.

Allie and Angela grabbed pizza on back in the town square which we brought back to the room. I was planning on having some of the snacks I brought but they were insistent on me taking a slice of pizza. It was pretty good and way better than my lemon pepper tuna. Ha! Allie hung back to nurse her achilles as the rest of us were off to play mini-golf. We realized we had to pick up the clubs and balls in another building but once we got there we realized we could paint a wooden coaster instead. We never made it golfing but we did end up with cow print, UFO, and cowboy boot coasters to take home - and made a friend with the staff. We headed back to the room to freshen up and change for our last night aka the Rodeo.

Allie made us reservations at the Cattle Company Chophouse & Bar which turned out to be a waste of time because we weren't seated until a good 30 minutes after our reservation time. After that, the manager brought us an appetizer on him which was nice. It was busy with several large groups, we were all anxious but understanding at first. Then we waited a good 15 minutes before getting our drink orders in. And another 15 minutes before we got said drinks. There was a toddler and older child in a booth near us that were not only climbing up on the top of the booth but were shrieking non-stop. No amount of side-eye stares had any effect on the parents to control their children. This was a good size restaurant with only two individual bathrooms, therefore, the entire time we were there there was at least a line of 3 people deep waiting for their turn. We finally ate and it was all good but no amount of good food could make up for the shitty experience overall. I mean just look at Angela and Katie's expressions below. They say it all!

We were worried we'd be late to the Rodeo given that we were way behind schedule but we got there with a few minutes to kill. I was so concerned the sun would still be up blazing but we sat down just as it started to slink behind the building. I was not a fan of how religious the Rodeo was. There was a whole ass prayer before the festivities got started which was unnecessary to say the least. Overall the Rodeo was underwhelming. The trick horse riders at the top of the show were absolutely incredible but everything after that was not. I guess I can now say I've been to a Rodeo but I would totally skip this entire event if any of yinz ever visit River Ranch.

We came back to our room and packed and cleaned up what we could so we'd be ready to go in the morning. We went back for round two of Temu Starbucks and then walked around their little Sunday market before hopping in the car and making our trek back.

It was equally exhausting and enjoyable experience. The three of us would obviously do anything for Katie, so knowing she had a great weekend was all we were hoping for.

And that was a wrap for Part 2 of Katie's 40th celebrations.