Dustin Says

You're on LinkedIn? Work and social media are two things I hate the most. I'm LinkedOut. 

I had to talk to a lady this morning about lawn shrimps. There were so many Red Lobster could've had an all you eat buffet.

Dustin: It looks crazy outside. 

Me: It's that Saharan Dust. 

Dustin: That's my new stripper name. 

People want to lay in the sun like they are hot dogs on a grill.

Talking about Trump...
Co-worker: He's such a business man!
Dustin: I could put googly eyes on a turd and it would be more of a business man. 

There's nothing worse than hearing the other team score a goal while you're dying on the toilet.

Dustin: What's the name of the restaurant you're going to?

Me: June

Dustin: Well Cheeto and I are getting take out from July.

Labubu sounds like a word Trump said but didn't mean, like covfefe.

Dustin: You just love bloopers.

Me: I really do. 

Dustin: Probably because you're such a screw up. 

Living labubu loca!

Talking about Cheeto pissing outside the litter box...

He's pissing as a "FUCK YOU!" to one of us and I think it's you.

Oh he's losing it. If he were a notebook he'd be a spiral. 

Our front door is so warped it's playing at the Citrus Bowl this weekend. 

Sang to the tune of The Life of a Showgirl...

He was a kitty

Dropped him off in a new city

He became radioactive but still pretty

Olive got a lil bit hissy

Don't ever text someone at Chili's. They could be enjoying a triple dipper.

Me: Why didn't you put a new toilet paper on the roll?

Dustin: Because there are still enough on there for a pee. I only use it for a D.

Showing Dustin shirt options...

I'm sure you're going to go with that one since it's your vibe...distressed. 

I like my pillow as flat as a tortilla.