Every time I drive to PC alone, I think about the first time I made the drive. I think about the hundreds of times I drove it. That first time in the rain. That one weekend during the Daytona 500 where I was stuck in traffic for 2 hours. That feeling of butterflies when I saw the 'Palm Coast City Limit' sign. The rush of excitement when I sped off exit 289. The feeling of coming home after a long day visiting friends in Orlando. Every memory just came and smacked me in the face before I had time to sort any of it out.
I got off at SR100 and headed east - straight towards Flagler Beach. I'm not a huge beach person. I enjoy going a few times a year but even when I lived 10 minutes away from it, I didn't frequent it all that much. But recently, I've had an urge to be by the ocean. And after my little panic attack I needed some fresh air. I needed time to myself to collect my thoughts. Or in my case, just think even more thoughts because my brain doesn't ever stop.
I parked right next to the beach on the right side of the road - just like I used to. I took in a deep breath and got out of my car with only my keys and phone in hand. What more does a person really need right? I wasn't in a rush so I walked slowly. I looked to my right and smiled as I saw the Flagler Beach pier - the staple of the beach. I took off my flats and walked in the opposite direction on the beach. It was around 11 AM, and since it was a week day, there weren't all that many people. It was so unbelievably hot but that's like saying "they sky is blue!". No fucking shit, it's Florida. I'm still amazed at how hot it gets here and I've never lived any where else. I guess I just can't get used to sweating profusely and feeling like I'm going to pass out. The cool water at my feet seemed to balance it out though. I walked for awhile before sitting down in the sand. I just sat there and looked around. Even with the heat, it was a beautiful day. I watched some kids play with their frisbee, high school girls getting tans before school starts up, and the occasional jogger. Even though not a single thought was sorted out, I felt better as I walked back to my car. It took what seemed like forever to get all the sand off my feet - and the shells. Those damn crushed shells that just cling to skin. Ugh. Annoying. I was still finding shells on random parts of my body a day later.
Yeah, this is my zombie bruise that won't go away. It's been two weeks. See the progression here.
I decided to grab lunch at PC's 'new' Panera. I hadn't been there yet but I had heard about it was coming for years so I kind of felt like I had to check it out now that it was actually functioning. I thought it was hilarious that they had at least 3 signs in the parking lot telling you how to get to the Panera. I mean, I have bad eyesight but that was ridiculous. Most Panera's I've seen or been to are attached to another business so it was weird to see one all by itself. And with a DRIVE THRU! I was really jealous of that. But everything else was exactly the same. Panera always brings a feeling of comfort. I'm not sure if it's just it's atmosphere or if it's because I worked at one my junior year of high school. Either way it's nice. I ordered a salad and took a seat. I people watched half the time and read GOT the rest of the time.
I swung by their Super Target to look for my apple dress. It wasn't online for me to order anymore. Sad face! I found it but the only size they had was an XL. Fail. I did however end up buying one that was the same style (just not as cool because it doesn't have apples on it!) except it was red with flowers. It was on sale for $17 too, so yeah, I wasn't about to pass it up.
The whole time I was on the beach, eating lunch in Panera and walking around Target wasting time, I hoped I would run into someone I knew. I wanted so badly to see a familiar face. Kim. Josh. John. Mike. Someone! I felt desperate and kind of pathetic but I didn't even care to over analyze it. I didn't end up seeing anyone and I was kind of bummed about it.
I drove kind of slow down Belle Terre. I just wanted to take it all in. But of course the upcoming election kind of ruined my drive with all the obnoxious signs littering the side of the road. It just looked so trashy. Come on, PC, you're better than that.
I arrived at the church 15 minutes early. I texted Katie to see if she was already inside. I didn't want her banana bread to sit in my hot car so she sent Tommy and the girls out to grab the bag of stuff I had brought them. Kierce seemed to love her dinosaur that Dustin and I picked out, which that made me smile.
As Katie and her family (Kierce even brought the dinosaur out with her - ha!) walked out into the sanctuary, I immediately just wanted to hug every single one of them. My heart ached for them and their loss. I sat there in that church and listened to Mr. Murray's Principal, past student, and family speak about the man he was. The man he will always be to everyone. They spoke of his passion for teaching, his love of baseball, and his amazing sense of humor. A few people quoted Jackie Robison - "A life is not important except for the impact it has on other lives." That quote has really stayed with me these past few days and I imagine it will be one of those quotes that just seem to stick forever. The service was beautiful, as was the reception. Times like these are always hard and there just aren't words that can take that kind of pain away but it's always comforting to know you have support and love. And the Murrays certainly have a lot of both.
Before I headed back to Orlando, I drove by our old L-section home. Dustin nor I had been back by it since we moved. It has been a year and a half. I drove down all those familiar streets of our old neighborhood before finally turning on our old street. Our house was there but it was different. There were more trees in the front yard. A different car parked in what was 'my spot'. The garage door was open and I could see a bunch of crap that wasn't ours. It kind of hurt. I don't know how else to explain it. I know we couldn't stay. I know our time in that home and in that town were up and all we could do was move forward but it still hurt. That home was part of our family and to see other people living there is just strange. It's like when you're sad a relationship is over but you know it was for the best.
I drove down US-1 like I had a million times before and reflected on the whole day. It had been quite a day. And although it would have been nice to hang around PC a little longer I was finally ready to go home. Not back to Orlando, but back to Dustin. He is my home. Not some house or town we lived in. As long as we're together, I'll be home.
I had a migraine the minute I got back on the highway and it didn't go away until later that night. I went straight to bed once I got home and slept for 3+ hours to get rid of it. Meds don't ever seem to work on migraines. I have to sleep it off and thankfully the rest helped. When I got up Dustin and I watched the entire opening ceremony of the Olympics from start to finish. It was kind of a weird ceremony but I did like seeing J.K. Rowling, Daniel Craig and of course Paul McCartney. The part that was the most boring to me was where all the countries walk around. It just goes on and on and ON.
SATURDAY: I didn't go to yoga because A. my knee is still fucked up and B. Dustin and I had plans to go over to John's in the middle of nowhere. My mom has been asking for months for us to come see his new house so I figured Saturday was as good day as any. It was kind of strange to be driving to Geneva to visit with my mom. Normally, I go out there to visit my dad's side of the family. It's been that way my entire life but things change. Clearly.
John's house is way back in the woods. I guess all houses in Geneva are, but his REALLY is. Dirt road and all! As soon as we got there, they both gave us the grand tour. I really loved how big it was and the pool/patio/deck was definitely my fave feature. It backs up to a little canal too, where my mom said she has seen baby gators. I'm not surprised.
My mom and John jumped in the pool while Dustin and I just sat with our feet splashing around in the water. I didn't bother bringing our suits because Dustin's ear hasn't been feeling good and he didn't want to get any water in it. They swam. We sat. We talked for awhile before John fired up the grill. He cooked BBQ chicken, corn, and beans. And cheesecake for dessert! It was all really good.
My favorite conversation of our visit was about soda. Dustin told us the story of when his Grandma gave his Grandpa one of those Crystal Pepsi's (back in the 90s) and he told her "Don't ever give me this shit again!", then poured it out. I was cracking up. He's always got a funny story about his family. Then my mom tried to convince Dustin that 'Country Mist' & 'Mountain Lightning' is the same as Mountain Dew. But you just can't beat name brand. It's kind of like 'Dr. Thunder' and Dr. Pepper. No comparison. But the names are really funny. The names sell it.
We left right after we ate because I had yet another migraine. I felt like shit the whole drive home. Saturday evening was starting to mirror Friday and I was less than pleased about it. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't even walk without a stabbing pain shooting through my head. I had to just lay down and close my eyes. I ended up going to sleep early again because of it. Two nights in a row.
I swung by their Super Target to look for my apple dress. It wasn't online for me to order anymore. Sad face! I found it but the only size they had was an XL. Fail. I did however end up buying one that was the same style (just not as cool because it doesn't have apples on it!) except it was red with flowers. It was on sale for $17 too, so yeah, I wasn't about to pass it up.
The whole time I was on the beach, eating lunch in Panera and walking around Target wasting time, I hoped I would run into someone I knew. I wanted so badly to see a familiar face. Kim. Josh. John. Mike. Someone! I felt desperate and kind of pathetic but I didn't even care to over analyze it. I didn't end up seeing anyone and I was kind of bummed about it.
I drove kind of slow down Belle Terre. I just wanted to take it all in. But of course the upcoming election kind of ruined my drive with all the obnoxious signs littering the side of the road. It just looked so trashy. Come on, PC, you're better than that.
I arrived at the church 15 minutes early. I texted Katie to see if she was already inside. I didn't want her banana bread to sit in my hot car so she sent Tommy and the girls out to grab the bag of stuff I had brought them. Kierce seemed to love her dinosaur that Dustin and I picked out, which that made me smile.
As Katie and her family (Kierce even brought the dinosaur out with her - ha!) walked out into the sanctuary, I immediately just wanted to hug every single one of them. My heart ached for them and their loss. I sat there in that church and listened to Mr. Murray's Principal, past student, and family speak about the man he was. The man he will always be to everyone. They spoke of his passion for teaching, his love of baseball, and his amazing sense of humor. A few people quoted Jackie Robison - "A life is not important except for the impact it has on other lives." That quote has really stayed with me these past few days and I imagine it will be one of those quotes that just seem to stick forever. The service was beautiful, as was the reception. Times like these are always hard and there just aren't words that can take that kind of pain away but it's always comforting to know you have support and love. And the Murrays certainly have a lot of both.
Before I headed back to Orlando, I drove by our old L-section home. Dustin nor I had been back by it since we moved. It has been a year and a half. I drove down all those familiar streets of our old neighborhood before finally turning on our old street. Our house was there but it was different. There were more trees in the front yard. A different car parked in what was 'my spot'. The garage door was open and I could see a bunch of crap that wasn't ours. It kind of hurt. I don't know how else to explain it. I know we couldn't stay. I know our time in that home and in that town were up and all we could do was move forward but it still hurt. That home was part of our family and to see other people living there is just strange. It's like when you're sad a relationship is over but you know it was for the best.
I drove down US-1 like I had a million times before and reflected on the whole day. It had been quite a day. And although it would have been nice to hang around PC a little longer I was finally ready to go home. Not back to Orlando, but back to Dustin. He is my home. Not some house or town we lived in. As long as we're together, I'll be home.
I had a migraine the minute I got back on the highway and it didn't go away until later that night. I went straight to bed once I got home and slept for 3+ hours to get rid of it. Meds don't ever seem to work on migraines. I have to sleep it off and thankfully the rest helped. When I got up Dustin and I watched the entire opening ceremony of the Olympics from start to finish. It was kind of a weird ceremony but I did like seeing J.K. Rowling, Daniel Craig and of course Paul McCartney. The part that was the most boring to me was where all the countries walk around. It just goes on and on and ON.
SATURDAY: I didn't go to yoga because A. my knee is still fucked up and B. Dustin and I had plans to go over to John's in the middle of nowhere. My mom has been asking for months for us to come see his new house so I figured Saturday was as good day as any. It was kind of strange to be driving to Geneva to visit with my mom. Normally, I go out there to visit my dad's side of the family. It's been that way my entire life but things change. Clearly.
John's house is way back in the woods. I guess all houses in Geneva are, but his REALLY is. Dirt road and all! As soon as we got there, they both gave us the grand tour. I really loved how big it was and the pool/patio/deck was definitely my fave feature. It backs up to a little canal too, where my mom said she has seen baby gators. I'm not surprised.
My mom and John jumped in the pool while Dustin and I just sat with our feet splashing around in the water. I didn't bother bringing our suits because Dustin's ear hasn't been feeling good and he didn't want to get any water in it. They swam. We sat. We talked for awhile before John fired up the grill. He cooked BBQ chicken, corn, and beans. And cheesecake for dessert! It was all really good.
My favorite conversation of our visit was about soda. Dustin told us the story of when his Grandma gave his Grandpa one of those Crystal Pepsi's (back in the 90s) and he told her "Don't ever give me this shit again!", then poured it out. I was cracking up. He's always got a funny story about his family. Then my mom tried to convince Dustin that 'Country Mist' & 'Mountain Lightning' is the same as Mountain Dew. But you just can't beat name brand. It's kind of like 'Dr. Thunder' and Dr. Pepper. No comparison. But the names are really funny. The names sell it.
We left right after we ate because I had yet another migraine. I felt like shit the whole drive home. Saturday evening was starting to mirror Friday and I was less than pleased about it. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't even walk without a stabbing pain shooting through my head. I had to just lay down and close my eyes. I ended up going to sleep early again because of it. Two nights in a row.
The sign reads: WHEN FLOODED TURN AROUND DON'T DROWN.
SUNDAY: I woke up without a migraine AND I haven't had one since. Hallelujah! Dustin and I spent the day watching the Olympics and just hanging out. His ear had gotten worse so he wasn't feeling good most of the day and I tried my best to get him whatever he wanted. We really started to fall apart this past weekend but we are slowly getting better.
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