You're on my shit list for putting me on yours.
Dustin: This chicken sandwich is the highlight of my day.
Me: What about me?!
Dustin: You're the highlight of my life.
I had been complaining all week that Dustin's snoring kept waking me up...
I woke myself up snoring.
Me: I hate Kermit's new girlfriend.
Dustin: It won't last.
What you've got down there is a vagina and it's the most powerful weapon in the world.
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