Dustin Says

You have a bedtime of a kindergartener. 

You know, the green grapes taste better but the red ones are more visually appealing.

Me selling Dustin on a mushroom decomposition suit when we die...

Dustin: Yeah, I'm in and we can get little ones for Cheeto and Olive. 
Me: I don't think they do it for pets. 
Dustin: THEY ARE NOT PETS, THEY ARE FAMILY. 

I tightened my mask so I didn't have to breathe the same air as you. 

Dustin: I mean, it's Taylor Swift's birthday. 
Me: OMG YOU KNEW THAT?
Dustin: Yeah, you wrote it on our calendar. 

Ohio is just West Virginia with teeth. 

That shit was so fast and furious Vin Diesel is trying to take credit for it.