Always Greener

I lived in Orlando my entire life. I grew up in the same house until I was 17. Seventeen years in the same house! I moved to the small beachy 'retirement' town when I was 21. It was a decision I made 100% with my heart. I didn't really think anything else through. I wanted to be with Dustin and so there I was. A new town where you have to drive 25 miles to the nearest Mall or decent restaurant. A town that was really nothing more than houses and beach. And of course people. People I didn't know. But I threw myself into it for love. And although it was strange at first not seeing my friends and family very much, I got used to it. I wrote, emailed,
myspaced, facebooked, telephoned, and visited. It didn't take long for me to feel at home there. I still missed everyone terribly. I missed what I thought I was missing out on. But I was truly happy there until the very end.

About a year before we actually moved back to Orlando, Dustin and I started to entertain the idea. I had gone on a couple interviews here and there but nothing worked out. I got obsessed with the idea of coming back. Back home. Then we got our chance when I was laid off in December 2010. This was it. Now or never. We both wanted more. Better. I think we failed to see at the time what is so crystal clear now - we already had it all.

I naively thought that once I came back that things would somehow be the same as they were when I left. I don't know how I could be so stupid. I thought I would get to see my friends and family all the time and it would just be perfect. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Orlando has been nothing but a struggle ever since I came back. The truth is I don't see my friends or family any more than I used to. It's sad but true. They are all off tangled up in their own lives. We all are I guess. Sure, it's easier to get together now but it's not any more often. I guess that's just part of growing up though. We get busy, right? We're tired.

I don't regret the decision to come back. It has opened up my eyes. It has made me less naive. More realistic. More aware. I'm learning a lot about myself in this process so it's not all negative. Plus being close to EVERYTHING (Disney, shopping, food, etc.) is awesome.

As hard as it might be, it's a good thing to live outside your comforted little bubble. Shake things up a bit! Experience new places. Or experience once familiar places all over again. This past year has taught me to learn to be happy wherever I am. No matter where I live, work, visit, whatever - the same people are still going to be in my life one way or another. I have to be happy with myself, with my decisions. I can't base that kind of thing on other people.

"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you." - Benjamin Button