Florida Forever

I've never thought seriously about leaving Florida. Ever. There's a part of me that feels kind of ashamed to admit this. But it's true.

Out of nowhere, Erin asked me today at work "Do you ever think of just picking up and moving to another state?" in which I replied, "Not really."

It got me thinking. Why do people move out of state? Or even to another city? School? Family? Adventure? Job? To forget something? You could answer those questions with a thousand answers but I think it all comes down to bettering yourself somehow. I guess everyone has their reasons. I moved to another city (only an hour away from "home") when I was 21 - for love. Then together we moved back for jobs. And now that we are here I have no desire to live elsewhere.

Does that mean I'm not brave? Possibly.
Does it mean I lack adventure? Maybe.
Does that make me boring? Probably.

It's not just that I'm scared. That's part of it, sure, but it's not the whole thing. I love Florida. I love the thunderstorms in the summer. I love the amusement parks. I love the beaches and springs. I love that our winters hardly ever dip below 40 degrees. I love the flat land. I love how my mind fills with memories with every turn.

And the people. I love the people.

I've been to a lot of beautiful places that seem like they would be a dream to live in but they are all missing one key thing - people. Ok, they all have people, but not MY people. I don't have any friends in any of these places. No one to go shopping with or make funny faces at during yoga. No one who knows me the way home knows me. No one who knows me at all.

I admire those who can just take off and leave the comfort of home behind. Those people who can start fresh without a second thought. The ones who never have trouble making friends or learning the ins and outs of a new place. But, I'm not one of those people. At least not right now.

I'm pretty certain I would have a straight up anxiety attack if I were to move out of state. I'm sure I'd adjust eventually but it would be really hard. Maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit but I know I'd have a tough time. I'm a fan of routine and familiarity. There's just something to be said for friends who are only miles away or knowing short cuts when traffic sucks. You know, the important things.

Who knows where my life will lead. I could have a whole different outlook on things in 10 years. Hell, I could be calling a different state home in 10 years. I doubt it. But you just never know. I've been known to surprise myself from time to time.

For now, it's Florida Forever!
Tim Riggins knows where I'm coming from. He's a Texas boy, but he gets it nonetheless.

More on Moving

It's been over a week since we received the keys to our new place. Everything was officially moved over last Saturday yet I'm still going through boxes. I've still got art leaned up against the wall. I'm still doing laundry. I'm still sorting things into keep, donate, throw away piles. I've yet to do a real deep clean of the floors. I've got little piles of random things that still need a permanent home. I have the longest 'to buy' list.

I'm overwhelmed.

But I'm also very happy. This is the kind of house that just feels like home without any furniture in it. Without any of our memories hung on the walls. But I am so impatient and I have put so much pressure on myself to personalize our new space immediately. I keep having to remind myself it's only been ONE WEEK. Dustin asks if he can help me...and sometimes there are things he can help with and other times it's just something I have to by myself. He lets me do my thing but he also makes me stop. I'll spend a few hours on organizing and sorting and then he'll come find me and say "Ok, now you need to do something fun for the rest of the day." He's done this numerous times and he's right. There is a huge part of me that just wants to get everything done no matter the cost on my mind or body. But I agree with him that I need to take breaks. I need to go look at pretty things on Pinterest. Paint my nails. Watch some mindless TV. BLOG! I need to relax. It will all get done in time. I need to learn that there is no reason to wear myself out. It's a struggle though. I need constant reminders from other people and myself that it can wait.

It can wait.
IT CAN WAIT.

Finally Home

THURSDAY: Dustin and I met the property manager at our new place so we could FINALLY get the keys. We walked around to make sure all was in order. She went over how to work the gas stove with Dustin (since he's the one who will be using it the most!). We haven't used it yet but we're excited about it. Apparently gas is supposed to help save on electricity too! So score!

We brought two car loads of crap over each. It was a chilly night but we could hardly tell because we were running around so much.

FRIDAY: Dustin doesn't work on Fridays (yeah, I'm jealous too!) so while I was at work he was able to move more of our stuff into our new place. He even managed to haul our living room TV over all by himself. I think I'm married to the Hulk.

He also waited for the cable guy and then ran errands at the Post Office and Home Depot for me. If I hadn't just started a new job I would have totally taken the day off to help out with everything. But I'm so thankful he was such a good sport about it all. He was so helpful!

I was so anxious all day at work. I just wanted to get home so I could move more boxes/unpack. So I raced home,  picked up some dinner and met up with Dustin at the new place. We ate our subs on a guitar hero box. Seriously fancy table! We were able to get the majority of all of the boxes and small items with multiple trips in both of our cars. We crashed at midnight. 

SATURDAY: I got up really early and started organizing, more packing, and repeat. Dustin finally rolled out of bed around 8AM and helped me load our cars with even more shit. I don't know where all this shit comes from! There is a piece of glass on our coffee table. We thought it would be a good idea to take it over ourselves instead of letting the movers take it. Dustin tried gentling sliding it onto the passenger seat when it exploded. One second a huge piece of glass was in Dustin's hands and POOF it wasn't. I gasped in horror. My hands flew over my mouth and my eyes have never been so big. Dustin just looked at me with his mouth open in disbelief. I immediately asked him if he was alright. That was priority number one. Because from what I just witnessed, I thought for sure we'd be off to the emergency room. Thankfully Dustin was fine. A few small cuts on his hands but totally fine. He became very angry and rightfully so. Not only was the protective glass to our coffee table broken into a bazillion pieces BUT those pieces were all over Dustin and in every inch of his car. I managed to get the larger pieces out by using a CD and a dustpan. But there was still glass everywhere. In the seat, the floor board, every little crevice was filled with glass. Dustin was fuming by this point so I told him to take a moment and calm down. I then took his car to the carwash down the street and used one of those heavy duty vacuums. It took a long time but I got all of the pieces sucked up pretty easily. I drove home shaken. Mentally I felt drained but physically I could hardly pull myself together. I tried texting and my hands literally shook. I had no control over it. It was just all at once. Even though Dustin was ok and everything had been cleaned up I still felt incredibly traumatized. Obviously the whole situation could have been worse but the possibility of Dustin being hurt and the stress of moving just kind of collided inside of me. I was fine after lots of hugs from Dustin. But DAMN, what a crazy morning. It wasn't even 9 AM at that point. 

The movers got there around 10 AM. They were nice and worked pretty fast.  I cleaned our old house while Dustin directed them. It took exactly 2 hours for them to load and unload our furniture. After our furniture had been unloaded we made one last trip to our old house to pick up random cleaning supplies and get all of our food out of the refrigerator. I left our keys on the counter, took one last look, and shut the door. I drove out of the driveway for the last time and didn't think twice about it. I'm a very sentimental kind of person but I didn't have any ties to that house. It held our things and provided shelter, but it was never really home. 

We spent the rest of the day unpacking and resting. We felt like we had aged 50 years in 48 hours. It was hard to sit down, hard to get up, and all we could do was complain about it. The muscles in my hands were sore. WTF. We went out to dinner with Sam and Pat because not only do we not really have much food but we certainly didn't feel like cooking. After dinner we went to Target so we could pick up some things. It was there that Dustin bought me a trash can. Not just ANY trash can but one of those fancy stainless steel trashcans. The ones that are ridiculously expensive but oh so worth it. Yeah, that one. The one I've wanted ever since we moved in together all those years ago. At first I thought he was joking when he put it into our cart. Then we got to the cash register and I offered to split it with him but he wouldn't let me. And that night as we were laying in bed together he said to me "I got that for you because I want you to know how much I appreciate you and I knew it would make you happy. I just want you to be happy." I know, I know it's only a fucking trash can but it also symbolizes that we've made it. I love it. I love Dustin for buying it for me. And I've really been enjoying throwing stuff away. 

 

SUNDAY:  It felt so good waking up in our new house. It's kind of hard to explain but it right. This is where we were supposed to be. After a year of looking I just felt like all the hard work we had put in finally paid off. 

Dustin and I lounged around all morning still recovering. We caught up on our DVR and then moved on to 'How It's Made' while we waited for Melody to arrive. 

It's always so exciting when she's in town. I only get to see her once a year and sometimes it's even less than that. But I swear it's like we're kids again the minute I open the door. She smiles and we both just start giggling. She was so sweet to bring us two little green baskets full of fresh strawberries and a small cast iron skillet. AND then she bought me lunch. I mean, come on! So nice but unnecessary. I enjoyed catching up on each other's lives.  We talked of our hopes for our future and laughed about our past. She painted me pictures of her adventures with her words and it was like I was almost there. I've always admired her brave spirit to wonder, explore, and try new things. Also, she is such a inspiration artistically. She showed me these beautiful floral arrangements she did for a wedding and I was just blown away. She did all the floral arrangements at our wedding too so I knew she was good but I was still so impressed. She's amazing period. Our visit was short but so enjoyable. I can't wait until the next time I see her! 

My fave floral arrangements of hers:

Juniper Hill Farms

Always Greener

I lived in Orlando my entire life. I grew up in the same house until I was 17. Seventeen years in the same house! I moved to the small beachy 'retirement' town when I was 21. It was a decision I made 100% with my heart. I didn't really think anything else through. I wanted to be with Dustin and so there I was. A new town where you have to drive 25 miles to the nearest Mall or decent restaurant. A town that was really nothing more than houses and beach. And of course people. People I didn't know. But I threw myself into it for love. And although it was strange at first not seeing my friends and family very much, I got used to it. I wrote, emailed,
myspaced, facebooked, telephoned, and visited. It didn't take long for me to feel at home there. I still missed everyone terribly. I missed what I thought I was missing out on. But I was truly happy there until the very end.

About a year before we actually moved back to Orlando, Dustin and I started to entertain the idea. I had gone on a couple interviews here and there but nothing worked out. I got obsessed with the idea of coming back. Back home. Then we got our chance when I was laid off in December 2010. This was it. Now or never. We both wanted more. Better. I think we failed to see at the time what is so crystal clear now - we already had it all.

I naively thought that once I came back that things would somehow be the same as they were when I left. I don't know how I could be so stupid. I thought I would get to see my friends and family all the time and it would just be perfect. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Orlando has been nothing but a struggle ever since I came back. The truth is I don't see my friends or family any more than I used to. It's sad but true. They are all off tangled up in their own lives. We all are I guess. Sure, it's easier to get together now but it's not any more often. I guess that's just part of growing up though. We get busy, right? We're tired.

I don't regret the decision to come back. It has opened up my eyes. It has made me less naive. More realistic. More aware. I'm learning a lot about myself in this process so it's not all negative. Plus being close to EVERYTHING (Disney, shopping, food, etc.) is awesome.

As hard as it might be, it's a good thing to live outside your comforted little bubble. Shake things up a bit! Experience new places. Or experience once familiar places all over again. This past year has taught me to learn to be happy wherever I am. No matter where I live, work, visit, whatever - the same people are still going to be in my life one way or another. I have to be happy with myself, with my decisions. I can't base that kind of thing on other people.

"It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you." - Benjamin Button