Haterade

Here's a blog post wherein I discuss some things that I just straight up hate. Loathe. Ugh.

SUMMER

I'm almost positive I've written about my disdain for summer before but I hate it so much I'm going to write about it again. I have complained about the summer and the heat it brings every single day, multiple times a day since last year (because Florida legit did not get a winter at all this year). While so many are flocking to the beaches and wearing cutoff shorts that they probably shouldn't be wearing, I've been locked away inside blasting my air conditioning. Nothing makes me feel lazier or less motivated than summer or just overall heat. I have no desire to do anything active when I might have a fucking heat stroke only 5 minutes later.

Let me count the ways I hate the heat:

• Boob sweat. I hate feeling wet and slimy underneath my damn breast which then soaks through my bra and shirt. Gross. 
• Sweating period. I mean, I even hate to sweat at the gym but that at least makes sense. But sweating while it takes 30 seconds to take the garbage to the side of the road or just plain walking from my house to the car OR my favorite - sweating immediately after getting out of the shower. What was even the point?! It's gross, sticky, smelly, slimey, and wet. No one wants to live in a forever wetness that their own body created. 
• Working out is even worse. I work out because I'm overweight and have anxiety. I don't do it because I love it. Fuck that. I rather lay in bed watching Felicity than go run a few miles on a treadmill any day. When I go to the gym during the winter I walk out and am immediately greeted by the cool air. It is refreshing as fuck. It's like the equivalent of gulping an ice water for the inside of my body but for the outside. But it's extra hard to work out right now because I sweat while walking to my car, sweat more during my workout, and then I continue the sweating on my walk to my car and about 5 minutes into my ride home because let's be real folks, it takes seemingly forever for your car to cool down. So if I already didn't feel like I was going to die at the gym, I sure as hell feel like I am afterwards. Thanks summer!
• I already have a hard time seeing as it is. I don't need the help of summer. But every time I step out of my house or my nice icey car I immediately go blind by the fog that automatically forms on my lenses. It is annoying as fuck. My glasses are my eyeballs. They aren't like sunglasses that I can just take off and toss aside. I have to go through the motion of wiping them down, then making smudges, and then cleaning those off, before finally - VOILA - I can see again. 
• Heat makes me tired and lazy and not want to move at all for fear I will sweat even more and especially stay in doors. But seriously, I feel like a sloth during the hot months (April-December). The minute the weather gets in the 70s (or even colder!) I'm all about making plans outside here and outside there. I love the outdoors BUT WHEN IT'S NICE OUT. I love going for walks or hikes or events or theme parks outside but when I'm not going to pass out and be carted away by an ambulance.
• It makes me a grump and an even bigger complainer. I'm miserable in the heat. It makes me sad, angry, annoyed, and depressed. Cold weather makes me the opposite. Cold weather and/or rainy weather makes me cheery, extra friendly, smiley, and always in a good mood unless something truly awful has happened. I'm a better version of myself when it's not 95 degrees outside. 
• Some places have what is called "dry heat". Florida is not one of those places. Oh no we are humid as hell. It is a million times worse than dry heat and basically means you won't have another good hair day for months. Also you can get a feel of what all of us anxiety sufferers go through because it feels hard to breather. But summer is fun right?!
• Sick. Heat stroke and heat exhaustion are so real. I get nauseated and light headed when I am too hot. I'm sure it's a combination of being dehydrated and the heat itself. But it is no joke. I once had to leave Warped Tour early because I felt like I was going to pass out. For all that aren't privy to the Warped Tour, it's a huge outdoor punk festival that takes place all day and usually in July. I also had another similar episode when Hayley and I were at a show at HOB back in high school. We were in the pit which is just people on top of people and I started to pass out. Thankfully the guys at the bar were cool and gave me water to drink and even let us sit upstairs VIP for the rest of the show. My body is not cut out for hot situations.

WEIGHT LOSS

I have been consistently going to the gym for over a year, maybe more. Except I was still gaining weight. What the actual fuck? I've been on my anxiety meds for a year and a half and when I talked to my doctor about it in May, he thought it might be them making me gain weight. He had me start only taking half a pill. It's been mostly fine. I've certainly gotten more breakthrough anxiety but it's minimal and doesn't last very long. But it's been two months and I haven't lost any weight. Also, I have been taking apple vinegar cider and Garcinia Cambodia pills daily for two weeks. Last Monday when I weighed myself I had lost 5 pounds and then when I weighed myself yesterday I had gained it back which made me feel depressed all day long. I don't know what else I can do short of getting an eating disorder. I don't fucking get it and it's driving me insane both physically and mentally.

It's so incredibly frustrating when...
working out doesn't work.
eating healthy doesn't work.
taking dietary supplements doesn't work.
changing meds doesn't work.

Like what the fuck is there other than dying?!

It's such a mind fuck every morning when I'm getting ready for work and I can barely fit into my pants because I've gained 30 lbs. My bra is barely keeping my girls in place because they have just about outgrown it. I absolutely love button down shirts but all the ones I own don't close anymore. I only feel somewhat decent these days when wearing something with a stretchy waist and a t-shirt. I hate not feeling good about myself but it's certainly not for lack of trying. All I can do is re-group and keep going or just drown my sorrows in a bowl of ice cream.