Seattle (Day Four): Travel Day From Hell

 

Dustin and I got up early, packed up our shit, and headed to the airport. Just like that our Seattle trip was over. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 8:50 AM but on the way to the airport I got a text that it was delayed an hour.

OK, fine. Whatever.

Dustin and I took back our rental, took the shuttle to the airport, and waited in a pretty long security line before finally getting through. We had plenty of time so we ate breakfast at one of the airport restaurants. That's when I get another text that the flight has been pushed back yet again. We got some drinks and found a comfy seat to wait it all out where I read all of the magazines I had brought from home (and even left them behind for another stranded traveler to enjoy or airport worker to throw away). We eventually were told our plane was late because the previous flight from Hawaii was late. Whatever shit happens. I get it but also I'd like to go home please.

We finally boarded the plane around 10:30 AM and proceeded to sit on the runway for 30 or so minutes. WHAT IS GOING ON?! Then finally the pilot came on the speaker to inform everyone that "security paperwork was not in order and we would need to deplane". The groans were probably heard around the world. I've never deplaned before (not that I travel all that much) so it was a new fun annoyance. We all gathered in a big clump of people outside of the gate for a little while before the gate attendant told us we'd all have to go back through security. Delta told us that TSA would have a separate area for us to all go through again. We walk down to security and literally none of the TSA agents know what any of us are talking about. They start whispering to each other and then a couple leave to go to another room. It is a straight cluster fuck. Dustin takes charge of the small group that followed us and explained what was going on to yet more TSA people. We wait for a bit before going lining up in our own personal little security area (literally right next to everyone else). We were told we'd have to throw away the drinks we had bought at the airport that were unopened. SURE. OK. FINE.

Then we waited for a long time in line with fellow passengers of the shit show flight. There is something about joint misery that really bonds people and we found a couple friends to bitch to about the whole thing while all of us just started making sarcastic smart ass comments about the entire ordeal. How else were we supposed to get through the insanity?! Dustin and I are up and we go through the scanner just fine but one of our bags gets pulled aside. Turns out all of my toiletries came up as hazardous. They looked it over and we were good to go.

I went to buy us drinks again. We get back to our gate and stand there tired and annoyed before the gate attendant tells us that everyone on the flight must go back to security for a stamp on their ticket. And if you have a digital ticket (like us) you'd need to form a line to get it printed out and then follow the others.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON.

So I wait in the line. I get out tickets printed. We walk to security yet again. Do you know what they say to us? It's pretty funny. Like so funny that I thought I was on Candid FUCKING Camera. They tell us we can't receive a stamp until we go through security FOR A THIRD TIME. I'm not even kidding. And the "stamp" was actually just some lady writing two letters which literally anyone could have done to their own ticket. How was this secure in any way? Oh and guess who had to throw away two unopened drinks, AGAIN? If you guess me and Dustin you'd be correct.

At this point I thought we were all going to just start twitching and losing our minds like some newly created zombies. We go through again and the same TSA agent yells "I've already seen all of these people...". Yep, we know. The same bag gets flagged yet again. I know exactly the problem since I'm in the worst Groundhog's Day scenario ever and start opening the exact spot before the agent even can ask me to do it. Again, the bag is cleared. Again, we go back to the gate. And again we wait.

Do you know what they had for all of our trouble? Snacks. Doritos and rice crispy treats and peanut butter crackers. Yep, that totally made it better. Except not even a little bit. But I still grabbed some snacks because who turns down free food?

We finally board the plane around 1PM or something. It's all a blur I'm trying to put behind me but as you can see from the detail I have just vomited out of my hands it's going to be a process. We take off, we're up in the air, we're headed home! Fuck yeah!

Little did I know we were to have some of the worst turbulence I've ever experienced. AND IT LASTED FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR. I was sobbing on Dustin's shoulder the entire time. The xanax I had taken earlier that morning when we first boarded had worn off, I was drained from all the insanity, and now (in my mind) the plane was going down. Of course it was. This is exactly what Alanis was talking about! Dustin consoled me while watching The Matrix. He's very good at multi-tasking. We made it home in one piece but my nerves were fucking shot when we landed after 10 PM. We both were racing to get off that plane from hell.

Seattle was a dream, and I'll even say it, worth the hassle we experienced. The PNW is just totally our jam in every way. If I had all the money I'd definitely move there in a second. But since I don't I'll just keep visiting every so often.

And in true me fashion I spoke to a Delta manager the following day about the mishap in which she replied "Ohhh yeah we've gotten a lot of calls about this flight." Thankfully we were both given vouchers to use in the next year.