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4/4/19
I saw a guy with a man bun...AT THE END OF HIS BEARD. I'm not mad about it.

4/12/19
My current list of things I don't care about and would like to just go away: Coachella, Disney's streaming service, and trying to make cassette tapes cool again.

4/13/19
I'm pumped about The Rise of Skywalker but why is Rey wearing eye makeup? Did she just come from a Coruscant Gala?

Whenever people talk about their children, I feel this indescribable relief that I have none.

— Nikki (@SkepticNikki) April 15, 2019

4/17/19
Dustin is the reason I've been singing Hilary Duff's "So Yesterday" all day long.



4/21/19
Are you even a true Orlando Magic fan if you didn't bring your HP wand and/or rabbit in a hat to a play-off game?

4/22/19
Walked into a literal spiderweb while going into work. Didn't look nearly as cool as Gwen.


4/23/19
When my phone won't connect to my Bluetooth while driving I always opt to turn off the radio rather than listen to some shitty song or annoying commercial. Silence is better. Is that what being a millennial is?

Of course these patch tattoos are impressive in the fact that they look like actual patches but the trend can stop now. They totally weird me out and I can't figure out why.

4/24/19
Non skid paper clips are the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard to me. #teamsmooth

4/29/19
New music I'm pumped about in 2019: Taylor Swift, Tegan and Sara, Vanessa Carlton, The Early November, Lana Del Rey, and hopefully the Dixie Chicks.

I feel like Pete Buttigieg is a great option for our country. I also feel like Chasten Buttigieg and I should be BFFs.

5/5/19
The equivalent to me opening up the fridge a million times and just walking away disappointed is Cheeto licking his empty food bowl for some kibble dust.

We should pass a Woman’s Heartbeat law: if a woman has a heartbeat, you can’t tell her what to do with her goddamn body, ever.

— Daniel Silvermint (@DSilvermint) May 9, 2019

5/10/19
Mid century mod furniture just gets me so pumped. Like fuck yeah you smooth, sleek, perfectly crafter little treasure.

I'm really over the use of "stan" and the phrase "lean into".

BUT I'm never ever over complaining about dumb shit.

Let’s get OUT of the habit of telling people “Well that’s still your mom. That’s still your dad. That’s still your brother. That’s still your sister.” TOXIC IS TOXIC. Whether it’s family or NOT. You are allowed to walk away from people who CONSTANTLY hurt you. You are allowed to

— bynnadi tolerson (@bynnadi) May 7, 2019

5/15/19
Me to me: Get off social media. It's making your anxiety worse.
Me responding to me: But But I can't stop because everyone else is feeling as devaststed and it makes me feel less alone.
More kittens and Taylor Swift theories and less taking women's rights away.

A fetus is not a baby. An egg is not a chicken. A seed is not a flower. My body is not your body. If you see babies being murdered, please call 911 immediately.

— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) May 15, 2019

5/19/19
I love Trading Spaces but every time Hildi is one of the designers my chest tightens. I want Genevieveor Laurie or Vern. I'll even take Doug or Ty.

5/20/19
Someone thought I was in my early twenties today. When I told her my age she's like "It must be because you don't have kids!". I'll take it!

5/26/19
"I didn't have much but I had rollerblades." - me to Dustin at the SeaTac airport

5/27/19
I was more emotional watching Andy McClay, Del Reid, and Vladimir Firdik in one hour than watching all of season 8. Well done fellas.

5/29/19
A random stranger once in awhile after seeing my tattoos: So do you like cats?
In my head: No, I just sit through hours of a needle penetrating my skin to leave a permanent mark of something I hate.
What I actually say: Yep!

Being in your 30s means being pre-emptively tired from the night out you’ve not even been on yet

— Vinay Patel Is Not At Home (@VinayPatel) May 31, 2019

6/5/19
I've walked past so many wonderful smelling women lately. Can we all just wear "Hello I'm wearing perfume-names-goes-here" stickers since I'm too much of a wimp to ask and don't want to look like a creep?

Us: Taylor are you gonna announce the album soon?

Taylor: pic.twitter.com/WxgdgzEAJq

— Swiftish Podcast (@swiftishpod13) June 5, 2019

when you’re out in public and you hear old ladies talking shit about ur slutty outfit pic.twitter.com/VlH2Q9WM2B

— xoxo, kylie (@meanspice) June 2, 2019

6/7/29
Sometimes you just want someone to listen and ask questions about what you're talking about without them inserting their personal experience. I try and remember this when I'm on the other end too. Stop talking about YOU, Ashley! It's not about you.