Monday, April 13, 2020

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1/26/20
I'm SO proud of everyone I know who have gotten degrees or are working toward them not BUT for me I'm so happy to not be in debt for life.
1/29/20
You must be team Pam in The Surplus episode.
1/30/20
Toy Story 4 is basically a horror film.

 1/31/20
Me screaming for Dustin this week.


2/2/20
I haven't been outside since Tuesday. I thought I'd be more upset about it than I am.

2/4/20
Dustin made me laugh so hard rehashing my surgery adventure exactly a week ago. He said I didn't want to leave the hospital because I wanted more crackers, I told him I wanted Subway on the drive home but couldn't eat it, then he said I looked like Beetle Juice for a few days.

2/5/20
My new favorite thing is asking friend and family if they want to see my gory surgery photos.

2/7/20
Healing from being cut open is extra hard when you're a natural scream sneezer. Ow.

2/8/20
I got tik Tok and now I feel 108 years old. Then started following all my old fave vines and quickly realized only half of them are still entertaining.

Every time I back into a parking spot (maybe once every five years) I feel like a total douche.

When the door opens "by itself" I immediately think...cat or ghost?
2/9/20
House Hunting:
Oh this one is nice. Never mind the HOA is $301. A. FUCKING. MONTH.
Oh this one is nice. Never mind two blocks from the airport.
Oh this one is...nope. Just in our price range. Not nice at all.

2/12/20
I may not have a uterus anymore but my boobs are tender as hell so still very much a woman. #allwedoissuffer

2/14/20
I hate every character on Succession but still crave more.




2/16/20
Every time I watch a reality show that isn't filmed in reality and the screen pops up with the person's job I wonder do these people just have a ton of PTO? Did they take leave? Did they quit to do this dumb show? I also imagine them talking to their boss about it and them being like:


2/19/20
I haven't worn pants (that don't start with the word "sweat" or have stretch) in 3 weeks. Am I dresses for life now?



2/20/20
We get it. You work out. BUT you don't need to wear skin tight shirts to prove it. Me screaming every dude on Love is Blind.

2/21/20
Is there anything more dangerous than putting on mascara while having hiccups?

2/24/20
I have two general reoccuring dreams - 1. Still in high school. 2. Dystopian World.

Why have we allowed so many variations of Britney/Brittney/Brittany?

I've learned you can't have it all. You have to pick it all and leave it at that.

2/26/20
(To get this joke you would need to know it was Ash Wednesday)
It is MY Wednesday. No one else's.

2/28/20
Do you ever look at old photos and think yeah I totally remember when that was my myspace profile pic? I just did.

2/29/20
I reached peak level basic white girl today when I cried to Dustin about not being able to go to Target. Was it the fever or the hormones?
3/4/20
Cheeto just licked an electrical outlet. Is this a cry for help?

3/6/20
The vet tech yesterday said she calls Florida the "Australia of the US" and yeah.

I'm as indecisive about my Bitmoji's outfits as I am about my actual ones.

3/7/20
If you were born in the mid-90s you're a 2000s kid. Sorry to break it to you.

Oh man, we were SO stupid.

3/9/20
I'm hoping now that Harry is free he will go full hipster - bald head, longer beard! Maybe even a sleeve?

3/10/20
A lot of days my marriage looks like me collecting memes to show Dustin when I get home because he prefers I show him in person.

3/11/20
Is there anything worse than waking up to a phone that didn't charge all night and is already in the red? Yes, of course there is but still not great.

3/14/20
The coronavirus probably originated from those people who admitted they don't wash their legs last year.

3/15/20
Boob sweat season is back and I'm not a fan.

3/17/20
Of course I started the process of going off Lexapro last week and now I'm regretting it. Everything is fine.

3/18/20
This social distancing thing has taught me I can get by on fewer squares of toilet paper. #rationingjustincase

3/23/20
Just tried to call into a conference call on my phone's calculator.

3/27/20
I love doing IF, working out, drinking all the water, and eating healthy DAILY only to not lose any weight at LL. SO AWESOME.


3/29/20
Got an email with the subject 'A Social Distance' and now I can only think of it as an emo band.

4/6/20
Things I don't care about in quarantine: animal crossing and whipped coffee. But good for you guys.

4/7/20
It's so weird to still PMS without a uterus. Old habits die hard.

4/8/20
I'm so sad I'll have to vote for Biden as if my depression couldn't get any worse.

4/9/20
I'm jealous of everyone in the north bu especially the PNW for having that perfect walking weather. I can only walk in FL before the sun is up and even then it's like I'm moving my whole body through mud. I won't even be able to go outside come May.
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