Currently

Feeling: Overwhelmed. You've probably noticed I haven't blogged in a couple weeks and that's because my life has been completely flipped upside down and I've been trying to get my head on straight and pick up the pieces. I'm not going to go into it here because I have never and will never blog about work but I will say I no longer have a job. It has effected me in every way you can imagine. I don't sleep much these days and if you know me you know I LOVE MY SLEEP. I woke up several times last week from panic attacks which hasn't happened in years. I am on daily anxiety medication but sometimes when shit is that bad it doesn't really do much for me. Every day is a constant struggle to stay out of the darkness. I've gone to the gym every single day for 12 days straight because A) Physical activity helps with anxiety. B) I'm trying to lose weight. C) I have nothing else to do. To calm the constant worrying thoughts in my brain I've been doing a lot of cleaning and organizing. Staying busy has been a lifesaver. Also Netflix. I spend hours a day looking for and applying to jobs and even have two phone interviews this week. I'm feeling a lot of shit right now but I'm also doing everything I can to change my situation for the better. I am worth so much and like my therapist told me "It may not feel like it now but this is a gift."

Grateful: For every single person who has reached out with a text or a phone call or sent a card. Thank you for letting me sob uncontrollably in your ear. Thank you for the love and continued support you all have shown me. My self worth plummeted to a critical level during this nightmare but because of all of you I've gained quite a bit back. Life isn't always fair, actually it rarely is, but love and kindness can get you through anything.

Watching (more like watched since I've finished them all): 

Everything Sucks on Netflix

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If you haven't watched Netflix's new show Everything Sucks, what are you waiting for? The show follows high schoolers from various groups and is set in the mid 90s in Boring, OR. The show is cute and funny but most of all nostalgic for all my fellow 90s kids out there. Each episode is only 20 minutes long so it's an easy binge. Also the soundtrack is all that and a bag of chips. 

Altered Carbon on Netflix

Dustin and I watched the entire season is under 24 hours. The Netflix series is based on a book of the same name although I haven't read the book so I don't know how similar it is to the show. 

It's set 300+ years in the future in what was San Francisco at a time where a person's memories can be stored in the neck and moved into different bodies. It's sci-fi as hell so if you're not into that kind of stuff this is definitely not for you. The ending kind of dragged but other than that it was really good!

Godless on Netflix

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This is a 7 episode series about a western town of mostly women due to their husbands dying in a mining incident. The cast is fantastic but the ladies in this show KILL IT. I mean, "Mary", from Downton Abbey is just so bad ass. Jeff Daniels plays the villain and oh man is he a piece of work. 

Queer Eye on Netflix

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This is the new updated version of the old show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I never watched the original but I do remember it because it was definitely popular in it's time. I can't really compare the two but I can say I loved every damn minute of this new Netflix version. Not only did I cry every  episode but I have such a crunch on all of the guys. They are all just so put together and sweet and hilarious, especially that Jonathan Van Ness. I want to be BFFs with him. 

Black Panther in theaters NOW!

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Dustin and I saw this a couple weeks ago and let me just say it lives up to all of the hype and then some. I knew next to nothing about the comic and back story of Black Panther but Dustin filled me in. Black Panther is the king of the fictional country Wakanda in Africa which is very technologically advanced thanks to the vibranium it produces. Chadwick Boseman and my boy Michael B. Jordan were phenomenal but I really have to hand it to the ladies of the film. Lupita, Letita, Danai, and Angela just stood out the entire time. 

Reading: Harry Potter. I haven't read the series in a few years so my plan is to re-read them all between new(er) books this year. I've started The Sorcerer's Stone but I'm only a quarter through it. Since I've had so much going on recently I haven't really been able to focus which makes reading hard. I plan on picking it back up this week and knocking it out. It's fun because although I've read all of the books several times I've never read them on a Kindle. I'm going highlight crazy!

Listening to: Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. Each episode he interviews a different celebrity the first of which is his wife Kristen Bell. They are just the cutest couple even when they bicker over craft stores. I love how the conversations just flow naturally and go much deeper and detailed than the 10 minute late-night interviews.

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Working on: My body! Still. Always a work in progress. I've been eating healthier and hating it but I'm doing it. Actually it's pretty easy now that I don't have a job. I'm still going strong at the gym. I've worked out 47 out of 64 days in 2018. I mean, that is pretty damn good. I am so proud of myself. I haven't lost much yet but I can feel my muscles growing stronger so I know progress is happening. I've really been pushing myself and I'm hoping all of this hard work and dedication pays off in the next few months. Time will tell.