FOURTEEN

The minute the calendar rolls into March each year the memories start to flood my brain and I smile to myself. I think of rainy spring days, drives up and down the coast, AIM, mixed CDs, college projects, purple flowers, a roomy thunderbird backseat, the fountain, clovers, apple juice on the window ledge, the beginning. Of course I think of all the past anniversaries we've shared but three will always stand out. And the first is just something out of a modern day emo fairytale. I think Rhianna was the one who said "We found love in a hopeless place."

And we did.

I love talking about love. I love sharing memories and getting lost in nostalgia but love isn't always easy. Love is still choosing the other person when shit is hitting the fan. I feel like if I'm going to post a blog about our relationship, our fourteenth year together, then I need to do it justice. I need to be as honest as I can.

We've had a really easy relationship. We've been through things as every couple has but being together and doing life together comes so fucking easy for us. We are on the same page with all of the big stuff. We don't have scandals, trust issues, problems communicating. Nope. None of that. I'll get annoyed at Dustin for not cleaning the toilet and then he'll get frustrated because he truly didn't know it needed to be cleaned (HOW?!) and we'll have an argument. That's it. That's the kind of shit we fight about. We don't fight about anything serious because we thankfully don't have anything to worry about.

Like I said, we've had it easy.

I'm still excited to come home to him every day. He's always the first person I tell any kind of news or thoughts to. He's the one person I am 100% my true self in front of. He's always my biggest supporter and a true comfort in my recent dark days. And still this past year was probably our hardest as a couple to date. I went through a lot of shit personally. He went through a lot of shit personally too. We're still going through said shit to an extent. In real life, problems aren't fixed overnight or wrapped into a bow after 90 minutes. We got worn out with everything life and our bodies have thrown at us and just started taking one another for granted. I feel like it's an easy thing to do when you've been in a long term relationship. We've never had to put in effort with one another because it came naturally. But because life drained us we both just fell into these routines after work where we weren't seeing one another the way we used to. We weren't spending the time together like we once did and we both felt so disconnected. This is the first time we've had to truly put effort into our relationship and it's taken some getting used to. We've started planning dates for the other. Sometimes it's just doing a puzzle at home with our phones turned off or floating separately in a salt water tank and then discussing the experience over lunch afterwards. But I've been loving and looking forward to these very intentional dates. It's a nice reminder to appreciate what actually matters in life.

With that all being said, with all the mental health issues, the complete unfairness of things out of our control, the physical complications - we still had an overall great year. Our worst year was still great because we were together. Ace Enders said 1,000 times a day "And now we know it's hard, but better together".  

And it is.

It's one thing to enjoy the highest of highs with someone you love but it's a whole different ball game when you can laugh with one another while you're trudging through the shit Andy Dufresne style.

I'd choose him every time to be my partner in shit.

We're lucky to have one another in this dumpster fire world of today. And not "luck-of-the-irish-pot-of-gold-at-the-end-of-the-rainbow-lucky - really fucking lucky. I used to believe in the whole "everything happens for a reason" bullshit but I don't anymore. I haven't for a long time now. I don't know how or why we crossed paths but I'm so thankful we did.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

The Maffs will be spending the day cozied up with the cats on the couch catching up on Survivor. We had planned a fancy dinner out but I'm still feeling a bit under the weather so we're just going to post pone it until I can taste food fully again. No complaints here.