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1/28/19
I really hate when websites ask for a login ID but what they really mean is your email address. Just call it what it is so I don't get locked out.

1/30/19
I hope everyone who doesn't know me at work refers to me as "the girl with the cheeseburger lunchbox".

2/6/19
I just texted "tbh" instead of "to be honest" and feel like a total fraud. There are only certain phrases and words I'm ok with abbreviating. I'm a millennial goddamit not some Gen Z-er.

NO SMILING. NO CLAPPING. NO OVATION. AN AMERICAN HERO. pic.twitter.com/dHw2IHQWkd

— Ξvan Ross Katz (@evanrosskatz) February 6, 2019

"Like sometimes I don't think I'm out of shape and then I do a flight of stairs" - Alyssa
Also, same.

 2/11/19
When grown ass adults refer to their parents as "mommy" and/or "daddy.




2/14/19
Me: Fuck it, it's Valentines Day. I'm going to cheat!
Dustin: Um what?!

2/18/19
Kids these days exit the womb knowing how to maneuver an iPhone/iPad but it is astonishing how many don't know/or even think to google simple things.

2/19/19
"She's so fly she's basically in a movie with Jeff Goldblum." -Me

2/20/19
Everything sucks about 'Everything Sucks' being canceled.

Snuggle ambush in the Bronx while I was on a conference call 🐶 https://t.co/FraWfG8QCh

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) February 22, 2019

3/1/19
I'll never not find it weird that parents take their elementary school aged children to get pedicures.

Disney always looks more magical in photos than it actually ever is in real life.

3/3/19
Things Australians say that Americans never say: "heaps" and "ages".

3/4/19
I'm just going to say it...I'm totally here for this whole Pete and Kate thing.

can’t trust someone who says “I don’t really like music”

ah cool! how’s being a demon? seems quiet that’s for sure !

— h (@halsey) March 9, 2019

3/12/19
Flu shots are cool and all but when are they going to come out with a cold shot. Been sick for less than 12 hours and already getting whiny.

I get in a very pushy mom mode when it comes to skin care and especially SPF. Sunburns are for losers. Sorry not sorry.

3/19/19
To everyone tired of hearing me blow my nose: I am a million times more tired of blowing it.

3/22/19
I legit forgot how old I was and had to do the math in my head.

3/23/19
I'm ready for the Queer Eye guys to get a hold of Prince William. Gave his head completely, grow out a beard, maybe throw him in a T-shirt and shorts...

3/27/19
One of my life goals is to be able to walk in public holding a tampon with the confidence of a drummer hitting the stage instead of making sure it doesn't fall out of my pocket.

In case you were wondering how my night is going, I just yelled "I am the only one that bleeds on a regular basis in this house!" at Dustin, Cheeto, and Olive after being asked what was wrong.

3/28/19
Hot take: I'm kind of into the new bagel slicing technique.

3/29/19
I liked Billie Eilish's 'Ocean Eyes' but her new stuff sounds like she's having trouble open her mouth. It's mumble music.

3/31/19
Saw a crow with a postcard in it's mouth in the tree in our front yard. Of course Americans have the way less cool "CrowPost" #owlpostdoesntdeliverhere

4/1/19
"You could miss someone everyday and still be glad they aren't in your life." - Tara Westover
Finished 'Educated' last night and now I'm in a google black hold. Fascinating story.

Random pet peeve: When people say "catch feelings" or "felt some type of way". Like were you happy, sad, frustrated, contemplative...we're all feeling some type of way all of the time. Be specific!

Do you ever just sit in the garage and let the sad @taylorswift13 song finish before going into the house? Even when you’re not sad. Just, like, because?

— Chasten Buttigieg (@Chas10Buttigieg) April 2, 2019

4/3/19
I've never watched a movie on a laptop in bed because I've never had a laptop and also TVs are so much bigger.