Marie had been in my life since I was born. She's been in my mom/aunt/uncle's lives since 1955 (they were one, three, & five), which means she's been in their lives as far as they can remember. She was hired to help look after them and help with housework. From the stories I've heard, she quickly became a part of the family and ever since then she couldn't get rid of us.
In the 1980s, she was still helping my grandparents and would pick me up twice a week and bring me to my grandma's house while my parents worked. I will miss hearing her tell the stories of those days, but I'm grateful I was able to capture a few on video. I remember riding in the back of her big 70s something car. The backseat always felt so spacious, but maybe it was because I was still so little. She and my grandma would make me cream of wheat often, which I still love to this day. Every time I see that red box I think of them both. When I was still pretty little, maybe 4, she taught me how to make eggs in the microwave. She was always teaching and helping me become autonomous (even more so than I already was given I was an only child and later a latchkey kid). I still eat and prefer my eggs cooked that way. As I grew up I spent a lot of time at Marie's house when my mom needed a babysitter or over at my grandparent's house with her. I fondly remember us watching the tiny kitchen TV during lunches while the latest Young and the Restless played on the screen. Her commentary was always so funny. "What is Victor Newman up to now?!"
She was the one who told me she was with my grandmother the morning she died in 2002. They had been sitting at the kitchen table opening mail when my grandma opened the Mother's Day card I sent her. Marie sharing that little detail with me still means the world to me. I think about it every May. She continued to work for my grandpa for another decade or so until finally enjoying some well-deserved retirement. After her husband died, she lived alone in their house for many years, and it wasn't until fairly recently, she moved back up to Georgia to be cared for by her family.
She was something real special to my family. But she was just special in general. I'll miss the way she said "mmhmm" when agreeing with someone. It sounded like a hum and felt like a hug.
Most people are lucky to have two grandmothers but I'm the luckiest because I had three.
Her name was Jodi but she was also called Jo, Jojo, and George.
She and I are cousins but since her mom (my aunt - oldest of 5) and my dad (2nd youngest) were so far apart in age so were we. She was in the middle of high school when I was born so we didn't grow up together in the way a lot of cousins do. But then she had Nikki when I was only four. I remember her telling me the story of how my dad brought me to visit them in the hospital after Nikki was born and my sassy four year old self told her to "scoot over" - in her own hospital bed. Nikki and I were cousins from day one but we became best friends as she got older. She and I spent most of my dad's court-ordered-every-other-weekend standard 90s divorce visitations with her. It certainly helped that they lived next door to him. Nikki and I were attached at the hip and on those weekends (and beyond) she looked after me the way she looked after her own daughter. I remember us all being obsessed with Sonic the Hedgehog (SEGA!) but Nikki and I being too young to get very far. We'd just watch her play for hours. I'll never forget when she beat the whole damn game. It was her accomplishment but it felt like a group effort. Ha! Just a couple weeks ago Dustin and I rented the new Sonic movie. I thought of her the whole time and even texted her afterward to tell her so. It was the last text I sent to her.
I remember her always doing our hair (big with lots of hairspray of course) and makeup for special events. I really loved when she made me into a dead cheerleader for Halloween one year. For my 8th grade social (the biggest deal there is - bigger than prom was for me) she picked me up from school early (told them she was my mom) and took me (and maybe Val?) to get our hair and makeup done at the mall. She dropped us off at my mom's house and stayed the entire time helping us make sure our dresses and jewelry were just right. She drove us to the dance and even came inside for a bit to take photos. Lots of the group photos I have from that dance were thanks to her. I wasn't embarrassed to have her there. I was proud that I had such a cool older cousin who in a lot of ways was like an older sister and sometimes even a mother.
She schooled Nikki and I in music with an emphasis on her beloved hair bands. She loved Motley Crue and especially Nikki Sixx something fierce, hence her daughter's name. She also loved heavy rock and metal and frequented concerts. My memory is a little hazy on this one but I remember the three of us driving down to South Florida when I was in high school to see Linkin' Park but we didn't make it in time. Sure it was a bummer but the journey was just as fun as the destination would have been.
She was a PASSIONATE Florida Gator fan but an even bigger Cowboys fan. I remember knowing who Troy Aikmen and Emmett Smith were by the time I was 7. Then years later I started dating a Steelers fan and for the last 15 years she and Dustin would playfully take jabs at one another.
After she married Rodney she moved to Alabama and I saw her much less frequently. She came down for my own wedding soon after and not only did Nikki perform our ceremony beautifully but Jodi was the one who made the whole thing legal by notarizing our marriage certificate. So in a way Dustin and I were married by both Nikki and Jodi and we're forever grateful for your love and support for us on that day and all the other random days too.
I'm always a little weary of new apps because there are just so many these days. How can they all be worth it, right? Another cousin of mine on the other side of my family (shout out to Hayley) convinced me to get snapchat many Christmas' ago. It seems like such a dumb thing but Jodi and I talked all the time, if not daily, via Snapchat up until her diagnosis. She wasn't big on phone calls so it really became such a perfect way to connect with her and feel like we're still apart of one another's daily lives. We both loved sending each other snaps of our pets. I'd also send her snaps of all the dumb things Dustin would do and she'd tell me how hilarious he is. I'm glad we could bring some joy to her from so far away. It really was such a fun way to keep in touch in between visits. I already miss that.
She was sarcastic and so stubborn and always late and a bit messy but damn did she love fiercely - her family, her friends, her pets, her children, and her husband. She was the most thoughtful person. I can't even count the number of times I'd come home from work and there would be a package at my front door from her for no reason other than she was thinking of me or Dustin or our cats. I mean, she'd even send Steelers stuff which is a HUGE deal for the biggest Cowboys fan ever. She was that thoughtful to everyone she cared about. She enjoyed making jewelry and I remember smiling every time I'd see her"check-in" on Facebook to her "Crafty Room" because I knew she was having fun.
For someone who always felt on the outside, especially on that side of my family, she sure had a way to always make me feel included. I think that's why I relate to her and Nikki so much. The three of us always marched to the beat of our own drum, but Jodi especially so, and proud as hell the entire time. I always admired that about her. She didn't give in to societies expectations when it came to religion or politics or stereotypes or any of it. She was unabashedly herself - take it or leave it. She certainly influenced me to be my true authentic self which started as a teenager but something I fully embraced in my 20s. Thank you for that Jo.
Thank you for the pool days and joint birthday parties. Thanks for all the sing-a-longs in your Honda Civic. Thanks for picking up Pookie when I was scared of him for growling at me. Thank you for being a part of my entourage to get my first tattoo on my 18th birthday. Thank you for the countless stories. Thank you for the love and support. Thanks for showing up. Thanks for the memories.
Love you forever,
Smashley/Ash-the-Smash
And to Nikki, Alex, Tracy, Rodney and every other single person who knew and loved her my heart breaks along with yours.
Yesterday I thought to look back on our old snapchat conversations not thinking I'd find much since the whole point of snapchat is to see something once only to have it disappear right after, but I was pleasantly surprised. Weirdly, coincidentally, and possibly magically I came across her request to use Flogging Molly's 'If I Ever Leave This World Alive' when her time came. She sent this to me over two years ago and I know we both thought back then that we had so much more time. That's what humans do. You assume there is still so much time. Although we didn't get as much time with Jo as we would have liked I take comfort in knowing she is no longer in pain and finally at peace. But all of this still hurts like hell. I did my best with the video below and included her requested song.
It's been a week since we lost Dustin's grandma and I've thought of her often. I didn't see an obituary online so I made my own in typical me fashion, as a video, as a blog post. She was like a 4th grandmother to me (I know, how lucky am I to have had 4 when most people get 2, if that?!). She was so accepting of me into the family long before we ever even met and continued to treat me that way until the end. She cared for Dustin something fierce. You can see it in the photos below but I know it to be true from the memories and stories he shares with me. I saw it first hand for the past 15 years.
I will remember that she and I shared the love of the color purple and taking photos. I loved flipping through all of her big old school photo albums smiling and laughing at the same ones like it was the first time I had seen them. She loved movies and always had a stack of newly released DVDs next to her chair in the living room ready to watch. I'm talking Tom Cruise or Fast and the Furious kind of action. I'll miss sitting at the table in the middle of the kitchen listening to her and Dustin talk about the past. She was feisty and didn't take shit from anyone. She was hilarious a lot of times without even meaning to be. She was so incredibly talented with ceramics. She had a whole shop in her basement and would be delighted every time I asked to go down and paint something (which was literally every time we visited). My favorite ceramic is a skull that sits on my desk as I type this. I was just going to paint it one color but she taught me a technique to make it look dimensional and aged. She always wanted to take us all out for family dinners whether she was down in Florida or we were up there. She was easy going and let us come and go as we pleased during our visits. She always wanted to know how Cheeto and Olive were doing. She once thought email was delivered at the same time each day much like regular snail mail and I'll never stop thinking how hilarious and cute that is. She was so extremely giving. Dustin and I both share the fact that our childhoods would've been so much different had we not had our grandparents. I know he is forever grateful for all that they gave to him from the stuff to the experiences to a home base amidst all the moves.
Thank you for the memories.
Thank you for the laughs.
Thank you for always treating me like one of your own.
My grandmother recently passed away. I was unable to attend the service which was held in Erie, PA due to a multitude of reasons, but the distance was the main factor. Unfortunately, I am seen as the "black sheep" to most of that side of the family so even if I could have made the trip it wouldn't have been very welcoming. But I don't need to be physically at a funeral to feel the loss or appreciate her life.
I remember my grandma as always moving, always doing. My family doesn't agree on much but one thing I know every single person can agree with is her cooking was top notch. Sadly, none of us will ever have that good of a meal ever again. I especially loved her from-scratch chicken-n-dumplins. Oh and her banana pudding! I'd say most memories I have of her are the times she was over the stove while we talked about everything. I loved those long talks about life.
My maternal grandmother, Katherine, sewed. She made my mom and aunt's clothes when they were young, among many other projects. After her death in 2002 I took ownership of her old sewing machine. At the beginning of my senior year we were all given a Senior Project. We had to learn how to do something and report on it throughout the school year. I had always wanted to sew. I asked grandma Dosha if she would teach me and to my delight she agreed. We took a trip to Walmart together to buy all of the fabric I needed. She taught me it is much more cost effective to buy a flat sheet for the backing of a quilt than pay for yards of fabric. I lugged my other grandma's very old (and equally heavy) sewing machine to Geneva once a month for lessons. She and I created a beautiful quilt which I still have and will always cherish. She has given me one of the greatest gifts I have ever received from anyone - a skill. She was an incredible quilter and I will never measure up to her talent; I'm just glad she gave me a little bit of what she knew. She gave me a skill, a hobby, and a passion all in one and for that I will be forever grateful.
I wish life hadn't become so complicated. I know I disappointed her by deciding to not have a relationship with my father all those years ago. I know I put her in a tough position and for that I am sorry. I never meant to make things harder for anyone. But we all have to live our truth and I for one have standards about how I'm treated - family or not. I know that was difficult for her and other relatives to understand. Regardless of my decisions and the tension it might have caused I loved her very much. She radiated kindness and selflessness. She was quiet and soft spoken but also strong as hell. She was and will always be very special.
Dustin's grandpa "Pap" passed away a little over a week ago. As sad as it is to lose anyone you care about, we take comfort in the fact he is finally at peace. He was having a hard time when we visited back in November so it wasn't a complete shock but at the same time death always is a shock. It's weird and cruel like that.
I've only known him as long as I've known Dustin but he was always the very sweetest to me. He'd kiss my hand when I'd see him after a long period of time and ask how we were doing. Although he's gone he's not. Not really. Dustin tells me stories weekly about camping trips they took or how he'd speed around the neighborhood in his golf cart or how he and Dustin's grandma would come down to visit and he'd be fixing everything. Dustin remembers him in jean shorts and no shirt. That was his signature look. I remember him in his flannel shirts. I'm so sad he's gone but I'm happy I got to know him and be a part of his life even if it was just for a short time.
My grandfather passed away last weekend at the age of 91. His health had been failing these past few years so it wasn't a total surprise but then again it was. We all know that the end is coming for us but when it actually does it's still surprising some how. It's a confirmation that nothing and no one is permanent. At least not in a physical sense. But then again photos and memories can fade too.
When my grandmother died in 2002, I remember it knocking my world over. It was my first real experience with losing someone I had been close to. Her memorial service was my first as well. And although I was sad and missed her, her death changed something in me for the better. I didn't take everything for granted and I slowly started to let go of people who brought me down.
When I think back to my childhood, I can't help but think about my grandparents. They were a huge part of it. I saw them at least once a week until I was in high school. And now that my grandfather is gone, it's a weird feeling. It's what he wanted and I don't blame him, but it's still weird that he isn't here any more.
He wasn't someone I confided my deepest secrets to. We didn't even hang out that much alone. We were not terribly close. But he has always been around. Always there. Every holiday. Every birthday. He sent me a card for my birthday every year, even after my grandma was gone.
He caused our family lots of stress these last few years. We didn't agree with some things he was doing but that's life. We aren't all going to agree with everyone's life choices. He was stubborn and outspoken. But he was also incredibly generous and one of the funniest people I've known (even if he didn't necessarily mean to be).
He was our crazy Grandad.
He was a dentist and world traveler. He went on tons of mission trips setting up dental clinics all over the world. I remember his cabinets always being full of dental products. My cousins and I were always so excited to get the latest electric toothbrush.
I thank him for every cavity he filled of mine and that tooth he pulled to help with my braces. I remember going over to his old office and pretending the light that he shined in people's mouths was a microphone. It's also because of him that my teeth are straight. He obviously had dental connections and my mouth is forever grateful.
He also had a passion/love/obsession with photography. I remember after every trip he and my grandmother went on, he would have hundreds of photos developed and they would both spread them out on the dining room table to look at them all. There were multiple cameras around his neck no matter where he was. I remember once there being an entire shelf of cameras - old, new, the works. He even let me borrow one of his cameras when I took photography in high school.
He and my grandmother paid for me to take karate with my friends for my entire year of 7th grade because my mom couldn't afford it.
He came with my mom to my high school graduation.
He's the reason I got to go to Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Denver and Colorado Springs. I'll never forget him driving us through the Hollywood hills with it's super windy roads. He was an awful driver to begin with so the hills were not helping matters. But I had these hiccups that wouldn't go away but then his driving scared me so much they just stopped. My cousin, aunt and I had a good laugh over that!
The man loved Costco. He bought everything from there. He even used to take my cousin and I there (whenever she was in town) for pizza. Ha!
He let Dustin and I get married in his backyard. He even wore a purple dress shirt and tie on our wedding day to match all the purple decor.
He loved Dr. Pepper.
He loved listening to and playing classical music. I remember getting into his car multiple times and jumping because Beethoven was playing so loudly. This was probably due to the fact he was hard of hearing. Ha! And oh the memories of my cousins and I going to town trying to pump his organ (the instrument) in their family room. He also had a piano and I would pretend I actually knew how to play.
He had a fascination with technology. I was introduced to AOL because of him. He had a computer way before I ever did. He was always buying new computers, video cameras, and all those gadgets from Sharper Image.
Every time I stayed the night with him and my grandma they would watch Jeopardy. As a kid I thought it was the most boring show in the world but now I get it.
Yesterday, my family and I went to his memorial service that was held at his church. It was nice talking to everyone and hearing different stories. I liked looking at photos of him and my grandma that I hadn't seen before. The service itself was a little too formal and religious for my taste but if that's what he wanted then they did a good job.
What a life he had!
We all went out to eat afterwards. It was the first time our family had all been in the same place in years. It's sad that it takes a death to bring people together. I mean, it's no one's fault. We're all busy living in different cities, living our own lives, just working and/or going to school. I get it. But life goes by quick and I hope we can get together as a group more often.
It's strange to think that both my maternal grandparents are gone forever and how our parents are getting older, and so are we. Life is crazy. So is death.
It reminds of that John Mayer song 'No Such Thing' And all of our parents They're getting older I wonder if they've wished for anything better While in their memories Tiny tragedies
