Currently

Reading: Insurgent by Veronica Roth - It's the second book in the Divergent trilogy. I finished Divergent in less than a week and immediately downloaded this one. I've been on a weird dystopian society kick this year but they are all so good and I'm intrigued. Mark my words…Divergent will be the next  'The Hunger Games' because they are very similar; seemingly weak female teenager turns badass and tries to defeat a corrupt government. But also not so much alike that people will be bored. I'm really loving it all so much and I can't wait to see the movie when it comes out in March. Trailer.

Feeling: Depressed. Sad. Angry. Occasionally happy. Abandoned. Confused. Alone. Exhausted. Hardened. Everything. I'm feeling everything. I know I won't always feel this hopeless. I know it will pass. I know I'll look back on this time as some kind of life lesson. But right now, nothing makes sense. I just can't make sense of anything. But it's ok. I'm not trying to stop it all. I take all these emotions as they come. In doing so, I hope that I'll come out of this stronger and wiser. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But I know it won't always feel like this. It won't always be like this.

Thankful: On a related note, I could not be more thankful to have Dustin as my husband. He makes me laugh when I'm in the middle of crying. He let's me vent to him. He's the one person I can count on for anything at any time. He's my best friend.  He calls me randomly during the work day just to talk. He jumps up from his chair and runs to hug me when I walk in the door. He'll remind me of one of our silly inside jokes. It helps. He's there when I feel everyone else is gone or leaving. Like Penny was for Desmond, Dustin's my constant.

Listening to: A farewell mix I made for Erin that is THREE CDs long. I started it back in October and it just kind of kept accumilating. I'd put my iTunes on shuffle or be listening to Pandora at work when a song would come on and I'd get tears in my eyes because it reminded me of us and this situation we're in. I know mixed tapes CDs are so 2000 but it's kind of therapeutic to me to compile how I'm feeling in the form of a bunch of songs. Music is my religion. Music just helps me feel better especially when the lyrics are so relatable.

I've also been listening to 'Perfume' by Britney Spears. I wasn't a fan of her 'Work Bitch' song but totally loving her second single.

Looking forward to: This weekend! It's going to be pretty low key which I'm thrilled about. Dustin and I plan on watching The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug and picking up some last minute Christmas stuff. I'm sure the stores will be out of control. Fingers crossed I don't punch someone. I'm also excited about having two days off for Christmas which means we're heading to Gainesville to spend the day with my mom's side of the fam. And then the following weekend Dustin and I both have 5 days off together! In a row! Hallelujah! There's no greater feeling than not having to go to work.