Tweet Tweet

3/18/16
Dustin and I found out the gender of our stray cats turned pets today! Would it be weird to have a gender reveal party?

3/19/16
I'm now the kind of person who has run out of storage on my phone because I've taken so many cat videos. #officialcatlady

Why don't they make bralettes for girls with boobs?

3/24/16
If I were a superhero my weapon of choice would be a freshly cut piece of paper.

When Jeff Probst is yelling "GONDOL!"it sounds like Bob Dole and when he yells "CHAN LOH!" it sounds like Chad Lowe.

3/31/16
Harry Potter postage stamps have been discontinued and my heart is broken.

4/1/16
Note to self: Believe nothing and no one today. And don't read a single article because you'll totally fall for it.

I'm already looking forward to the nap I'll be taking tomorrow.

4/2/16
I get through my treadmill time by pretending I'm Taylor Swift walking the runway on stage.

4/7/16
Why does yogurt always explode?

I don't know who DJ Khaled is. I hope I never do.

4/10/16
'Wannabe' is so versatile; a great dance in the car song, a pump your work out up song, and always a dose of nostalgia. #spiceislife

Random Pet Peeve: When TV/movie characters wake up with perfect hair and makeup. That's not real unless mascara is running down your cheek.

4/14/16
It's so awesome to see a kid read a comic book at a restaurant instead of his mom's phone.

4/16/16
The lady next to us on the last flight spoke like Laura Prepon and looked like Angelica Huston but didn't have the humor of either.

4/17/16
You know you're a cat mom when it takes you 20 min to choose which cat photo to post on social media.

4/18/16
I am not about chokers coming back into style. Nope.

4/20/16
James Corden is the new Jimmy Fallon.

4/21/16
Olive is laying under the covers and I can feel her purring on my feet. Life is good.

4/22/16
#fridaynightfacebookfights

4/24/16
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is like a hilarious love letter to the 90s. Season 2 is turning out to be just as good as the first.

I don't get all this Beyonce/Lemonade talk. I mean I like lemonade too. Also, apple juice and cherry coke.

4/28/16
Why do athlete's suits always look like they were made out of a fancy curtain?

4/30/16
Gatorade and water are the two drinks you normally see at the gym but an iced coffee while on the treadmill? Hmm.

It's hilarious to me how every family on Tiny House Hunters says "This is so/too small!". Isn't that the point?

4/30/16
"When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, cause I slay" - an actual lyric from Beyonce's Formation (Yeah I don't get the hype AT ALL.)

5/2/16
Just saw a guy moon walk while weed eating. Happy Monday!

Every time I see a Subaru I think of Portland.

5/4/16
My mom told me I did such a good job on her retirement CDs that I should "do it for a living". #ifonlyitwerestill1999

5/6/16
Just told someone over the phone "Have a weekend!" (and now I feel like an idiot).

5/8/16
Thanks to social media we now know what everyone's mom looked like when she was young.