What Works For Us

I love reading blog posts about what works for other families - whether it be about their marriage, the way they raise their kids (yeah, still interesting to a person who doesn't have or want kids), what they eat, or just their daily routines. I find it interesting to learn about similar and especially different lifestyles. So with that being said, I thought it would be fun to share what works for Dustin and I - in our relationship. This is in no way "advice". I am no expert on relationships! I just know what works in my own. And since the holiday of love is quickly approaching I thought it was somewhat appropriate. 

Need to know
Dustin and I have never gone into detail about each others exes. EVER. I know that's a pretty hot topic when you first start dating someone but we just kind of brushed over it real quick and moved on. We both know we have obviously been with other people in the past but it's in the past so why even go there? I think it just brings up insecurities, unnecessary comparisons, and awkward tension. Sure, it's human nature to be curious but it's not need to know information so let it be. Our belief is to focus on the person your with not the person they used to be with. 

His and Hers
In the (almost) 9 years that we've been together we have never had a joint bank account, not even after we got married. He has his. I have mine. He pays his bills. I pay mine. And when it comes to stuff like rent, we split it right down the middle and send our landlord two checks in the mail. We even split groceries. So if our total is $100, we tell the cashier we'd like to put it on two separate cards, and then he pays $50 and I pay $50. We do dates the same way - one of us will pay for a movie and the other will pay for dinner. We don't track it down to the penny or anything crazy but we try and keep it as fair as possible. I hate the idea of one person paying for more than the other. I know very few couples these days have separate bank accounts but it has always worked for us and I can honestly say we have NEVER fought over our finances.

Communication
For the first year and a half that we were together, we only saw each other on weekends. Long distance is kind of the worst but a lot of positives did come from that experience and communication is one of them. We're never afraid to have those tough conversations that are necessary for a healthy relationship. I'm so thankful that I have someone who isn't afraid of talking about all my damn feelings. Because let's be real, I have a lot of fucking feelings. Not only that but we like to stay in contact all day. We'll send each other a silly inside joke or funny video via text. It really helps us break up the work day and stay connected at the same time!

Fight Right 
We argue like any other couple, although 99% of the time it's about really trivial things like who peed on the toilet seat or who forgot to take out the recycling. We just don't have big issues which I'm thankful for. But yeah, we have disagreements because that's real life. However, when we do argue we don't resort to name calling, shouting, or bringing up the D word (divorce). Yeah, one of us might go in the other room and watch Felicity to cool off but that's as crazy as it gets. There's no reason to be mean just because you're angry for 5 minutes. 

Zip It
We are not those people who tell our friends/family every detail of our relationship. If we have an argument, I don't call my BFF to discuss. I like to keep certain things private - good and bad. Some things are only meant to be known and discussed between the two people involved. I don't need 10 other opinions in my head. No thanks!

Non-traditional Traditions
I think one of the most fun things in a relationship is having some traditions that you have created together. Yes, it's fun to recreate things you did growing up but it's nice to spice it up with something new. It's one of the coolest things about being an adult - getting to do what you want! For example, on Valentine's day we have always kept it simple. We like to cook a nice meal at home, watch a movie, and eat chocolate. Nothing crazy. For our anniversary, we never buy each other gifts but instead decide together on something new to experience (Past Anniversaries included: Blue Man Group, Science Center, The Florida Aquarium, Cirque de Soleil) and go to a nice dinner out. And every year around Christmas we like to pick out one new ornament for our tree and we work together to come up with our Christmas card theme. We even have the simple tradition (or maybe it's more of a rule) that Sundays are for doing nothing. Neither of us leave the house or make plans on Sundays. It's pajamas, football, movie watching, and straight up getting our lazy on before a new hectic work week.

Same Page 
I personally think it's important to be on the same page about the "big stuff". We obviously aren't going to agree on everything since we're two separate people but when it comes to major issues we are always on the same page. We both have similar outlooks when it comes to religion, politics, family planning, sports teams, etc. I'm not saying a relationship can't work if you butt heads on these topics but it wouldn't work for me/us. It's nice to have your partner in life agree on heavy topics because otherwise it could create a lot of friction.

Interesting Interests 
Dustin and I have lots of similar interests but we also like to do our own thing. I feel like it's important to have something for yourself - whatever it may be. I of course love being married but our relationship does not define either of us. We are together but we are also individuals. For us, the main thing is maintaining a balance between the two. If I'm on my computer blogging or off crafting then he'll be watching hockey or playing on xBox and then at some point one of us will initiate doing something together. We love being around each other but that doesn't mean we have to be stuck like glue all of the time. 

Hysterical Laughter 
Shit happens in life that just plain sucks but laughing always helps. Dustin is the king of making me laugh when shit hits the fan. I'll be crying or ranting and he'll just bust out with something so hilarious and usually inappropriate that I'm forced to crack up. I've taken his lead on this over the years and have started to return the favor whenever possible.